I can relate to your description of the situations you and your partner face and your description of it seeming like the problem is something out there attacking you.
I faced a situation with a medical expense. In spring I decided on a course of treatment based on my health care plan's approval. Thirty days after the surgery, I received a 10K bill. After an initially losing myself in a panic reaction, I found myself calling myself to action and working out what I could do. I worked with the surgeon, his staff, and my HR department to appeal the denial. The appeal was supposed to be decided in 30 days. It was finally decided in my favour last week. There were moments over the summer when the panic returned and I found that I had to stay with those moments of panic and dissolve them by reminding myself that all that I could do had been done and in the meantime the only thing I could do was continue to live by returning my focus on what needed to be done in that moment.
