Near & Far Enemies of the Brahmaviharas

Live Session Summary, Sunday, November 26, 2023: It was good to be with you for our Live session today. The theme of the session was the ‘near and far enemies’ of loving-kindness and the other heart practices—with the focus on the ‘near enemies.’

Here are some of the main themes, quotes, and poems:

I began by reviewing the Buddha’s heart practices (Brahma Viharas, or ‘divine abodes’): loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity, which are states of heart and mind that reflect an ‘attitudinal commitment’ of friendliness and kindness to all beings and experiences. (Christina Feldman, ‘The Boundless Heart’). 

The Buddha said we should always live in one or more of these states, which are described as ‘boundless and immeasurable’ since there are no limits to how far they can extend or who can be included when we cultivate and deepen these states.

A helpful Buddhist teaching points to states that are the opposite of the four heart qualities—known as ‘far enemies’—and those that appear similar to the heart qualities but actually involve some form of clinging or separation—known as ‘near enemies.’ 

Far enemies of the heart practices are: 1) Loving-kindness: Far enemy—Hatred ; 2) Compassion: Far enemy—Cruelty; 3) Appreciative Joy (joy in another’s happiness): Far enemy—Envy; and 4) Equanimity: Far enemy—Aversion or clinging.  

Near enemies of these four qualities are: 1) Loving-kindness: Near enemy—Attachment ; 2) Compassion: Near enemy—Pity; 3) Appreciative Joy (joy in another’s happiness): Near enemy— Happiness tinged with attachment (e.g., to ‘my team’); and 4) Equanimity: Near enemy—Indifference.  

With each of the near enemies there is typically a resemblance to the genuine heart quality, but accompanied by an afflictive state of mind, like clinging, aversion, or judgment. So, indifference may appear like equanimity—e.g., remaining calm or unaffected amidst difficult conditions—but it incorporates distancing or separation from experience, or from the suffering of others. In the same way, pity may superficially appear like compassion, but involves separation, a sense of ‘above’ and ‘below’ or reaching down to another or others; and attachment may look like loving-kindness but incorporates an agenda of getting or expecting something.

The concept of ‘near enemies’ can be helpful in our practice in making us more aware when a genuine heart quality (e.g., loving-kindness, compassion, etc.) has shifted into a near enemy through lack of awareness or a habitual tendency of the mind—or where we think our intentions are wholesome but may contain a ‘sting in the tail’, for example, clinging or expecting something in return. 

I concluded with a personal story involving a gift I gave on retreat that I thought was motivated by loving-kindness and generosity, but came to see the giving contained a wish or expectation about outcome—and what this experience helped teach me about the near enemies of the four heart qualities. 

I shared a quote from Sri Nisargadatta, 20th century Indian spiritual teacher: ‘Wisdom tells me I’m nothing, Love tells me I’m everything. Between these two, my life flows’; poems, including ‘Small Kindnesses’ by Danusha Lameris; an excerpt from ‘There was a time I would reject those…’ by Muhyiddin Ibn Arabi; and some lines from ‘The Guest House’ by Rumi.

Wishing you a heart-opening week ahead. See you in two weeks, on Sunday, December 10 at 9am eastern for our next live session. Warmly, Hugh 🙏🏻 💜 🌻

The Four Brahmaviharas - Oct 2 , 2022 - Hugh Byrne

Live Session Summary, Sunday, October 2, 2022: It was good to be with you today for our Live session from Kansas City. The theme of the session was 'how the Buddha's heart practices can support us in difficult times.' I spoke about how the four heart practices—known as Brahma Viharas, 'divine abodes' or our best home—of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic or altruistic joy, and equanimity can help us open and free our heart—and engage wisely and compassionately with the suffering around us without bringing more conflict and division into the world.

•In the practice of loving-kindness, we cultivate an attitude of unconditional friendliness to all beings. The training to open our heart begins with ourselves and a loved one, friend, or benefactor—and as we build our capacity to open to suffering and befriend all experience, expanding the circle outward to include 'neutral' and 'difficult' people and all beings. Loving-kindness—and the other heart qualities—is said to be boundless and immeasurable: there is no limitation on how widely our intentions of kindness and friendliness can extend, nor on the number of people and beings who can be included in our care, compassion, and wishes of well-being. In fact, the more we cultivate an open heart, the more capacity the heart has to open further.

•When we cultivate compassion—the response of an undefended heart in the face of suffering—we build our capacity to meet suffering wherever it arises. Compassion begins with ourselves—opening to our own suffering. If we are caught up in craving or fear, we will not be able to open to the suffering of others. When the heart is open and unobstructed, there is a natural caring, friendliness, and concern for others and the wish to do all we can to alleviate their suffering.

•The third of the heart qualities is traditionally expressed as 'appreciative joy' or 'sympathetic joy', meaning joy in the happiness of another. In the words of Buddhist teacher Christina Feldman, 'It speaks of our capacity to celebrate, honor, and rejoice in the happiness and well-being of another.' (Feldman, Boundless Heart, p 84)

•Equanimity, the fourth of the heart qualities or divine abodes, is a quality of steadiness, balance, evenness of heart/mind that helps us meet the ups and downs of life without being swept up or overwhelmed. 'A simple definition of equanimity… is the capacity to not be caught up with what happens to us' (Gil Fronsdal).

Cultivating these heart qualities—'four faces of love' (Fronsdal)—helps us open and transform our own heart and strengthens our capacity to meet the challenges we face in the world. As we let go of afflictive states and our heart opens, there is a natural wish to open to others' and the world's pain with compassion and wisdom.  

I shared Martha Postlethwaite's 'Clearing' and 'Walker' by Antonio Machado. Please let me know if I missed anything. I'm having a rest day on Monday before continuing to the next leg of the road trip—to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Have a lovely week and hope to see you at our next Live session at 9am eastern next Sunday.! Warmly, Hugh 🙏🏼 🌻

Hugh Byrne - Mar 27, 2022, Sunday

Hi, everyone. Here is a summary of the Live session for Sunday, March 27: The theme was ‘The Buddha’s Heart Practices: Medicine for Difficult Times’. 

I spoke about how we easily get tangled in difficult emotions and mind states when dealing with challenging situations or experiences—anger, judgment, blame, fear, overwhelm, disconnection, and more. These aversive reactions are not wrong, they simply cause us pain and suffering. 

The Buddha’s heart practices of loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity point to a different and more helpful way to respond: when we befriend these difficult emotions and reactions, rather than making them ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’, they cease to cause us suffering and are pathway to the deepest freedom. 

We can train ourselves to cultivate these heart qualities. As Sharon Salzberg writes, ‘Love and concern for all are not things some of us are born with and others are not. Rather, they are the results of what we do with our minds. We can choose to transform our minds so that they embody love, or we can allow them to develop habits and false concepts of separation.’  

Some quotes and poems I shared include:

• On practicing compassion towards difficult people: ‘If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all our hostility.’ (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

• ‘If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?’ (Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)

• On fear: ‘Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.’ (Hafiz, Persian lyric poet, died 1390) 

• ‘We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us that they may see, it may be, their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.’ (William Butler Yeats)

• ‘The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.’ (Sharon Salzberg) 

Two books I strongly recommend on loving-kindness and the other heart practices are: 

• Sharon Salzberg, ‘Loving-kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness’

• Christina Feldman, ‘Boundless Heart: The Buddha’s Path of Kindness, Compassion, Joy, and Equanimity’

Let me know if I missed anything. I’m planning on offering a four-hour mini-retreat/workshop on ‘the Buddha’s heart practices’ or ‘mindfulness and loving-kindness.’ Let me know if this is of interest to you in the summer or fall/autumn. 

Have a good week and see you next Sunday at 9am eastern. Warmly, Hugh🙏🏻