Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 18, 2026

George Saunders - Not Knowing, rush to judgement

 


George Saunders on the Art of Not Knowing

The celebrated author talks with Lion’s Roar about mortality, compassion, and why uncertainty is the most honest place a writer can stand.

George Saunders
2 February 2026

In Vigil, the character Jill lingers in the space after death, watching over a dying man. What were the influences that shaped the novel’s conception?

A lifelong obsession with death, mortality, and accountability. I was a zealous Catholic kid when growing up in Chicago, and it always seemed to me like preparation for a reckoning. For me, it wasn’t so much about heaven but the last minutes of life that seemed fraught. Will you be in a position to move on with composure, or in a state of terror? 

A Christmas Carol was a big influence, but also, a couple of Tolstoy stories: “Master and Man” and “The Death of Ivan Ilyich.” Both are concerned with whether it’s possible for a person to subvert one’s habit energies and approach life in a truly different flavor. Another one by Katherine Anne Porter called “The Jilting of Granny Weatherall” is the same thing. There’s a woman on her deathbed who experienced trauma when she was younger and, all her life, had claimed she’d moved beyond it—we learn whether she did or not. That whole tradition is alive for me, both in a literary and spiritual sense: Are we just stuck in these mental habits, or can we change?

Why is the dying man in Vigil an oil tycoon?

I was noticing the weather, thinking of the people who, twenty years ago, were denying climate change. I wondered, almost like a joke, what would they say when they’re in a landslide or flood? Some must ignore it while others take it to heart and look at their own role. 

I also have some background in the oil business. If I had made it some other profession, I might’ve been more inclined to demonize the person completely, but I could find corollaries within myself. When I was young and working in the oil fields, we justified and rationalized what we were doing—and glamorized it—so I thought that might come in handy. You don’t want to hate your main character, even if he’s really bad. Sometimes personal overlap lets you get some extra valences in there.

What questions about responsibility, legacy, or justice were you hoping to raise with this book?

Honestly, none. The thing I love about fiction is that it’s like traveling. If it’s a good trip, ideas you bring to it will be overturned. So, with a book like this, I’m aware he’s sort of the bad guy, but I want to find out more about him. If he’s done evil, what’s the nature of it? What’s his relation to it? Conveying a message is something I’m always fighting against. If I convey a message, I already know it, and the reader can feel I already know it; it’s just a lecture. So, the trick of craft is to get into material, get lost, have your initial assumptions overturned, and then you’re standing there in the rain with no idea which way to go. That’s the sacred space of writing for me. 

Donald Barthelme said, “The writer is that person who, embarking upon a task, does not know what to do.” For me, that’s the similarity with spiritual practices. We’ve got all these conceptual ideas dominating our heads, which, as useful as they are, often lead us astray. They make us more certain than we should be. How do we get those ideas to quiet down so we can see what actually is? In fiction, you write a first draft full of those concepts and intentions. Then, in revising, those initial ideas get challenged and replaced by more interesting and more ambiguous ideas. Pretty soon you’re really off the path. You don’t exactly know what your book’s saying anymore, and that’s great. You can still work with it, but now it’s a text coming from somewhere other than your conscious mind. That’s very powerful. 

But Vigil does speak to our cultural moment around climate and energy. What does it say about it?

I’m being a little evasive because Chekhov said a work of art doesn’t have to solve a problem, it just has to formulate it correctly. This was a book that I really enjoyed, because I feel like when I came out at the end of it, I was pretty true to that Chekhov idea. 

I don’t want to read a book where somebody tells me climate change is real and bad. Anyone with any sense knows that already. When I was younger, I had more of the idea that the author should have a fixed view, and you should get it. Now, I don’t really have a fixed view, but I have the ability to present multiple views and then walk away from that table with everybody talking.

Your book Lincoln in the Bardo also explored the liminal space between life and death. How does Vigil continue or depart from that exploration? 

They’re different because in Lincoln in the Bardo, the people didn’t know they were dead. The whole game for them was to break through to the understanding that life was done, and now it was time to get going and move on. They were also held there for different reasons; sometimes they were still in love with a living person, or felt like they’d been shortchanged, or whatever. And in that book, the way that world was made was that there was a next place. The idea was that they were supposed to get out of that graveyard and go up one floor. 

In Vigil, they know they’re dead. Jill knows she’s dead, and the Frenchman knows he’s dead. And it’s a little less clear about what the next thing is for them. We only know that Jill isn’t ready to go on to that thing, and neither is the Frenchman. So, that was a slight change in their perspective. It was a pretty good joke the first time—you don’t know you’re dead—but I thought, well, what if you did know? Then it’s a whole different game.

Vigil deals with profound, difficult stuff, but it’s also playful and fun. How do you balance humor and gravity?

I mostly just try to keep the reader in mind. I conceptualize myself as an entertainer, meaning I have to keep you on the hook. I had a big breakthrough when I was younger, where I thought the person that I am in real life—who always could be funny and tried to make social things enjoyable—could be part of my writing persona as well. So, it’s a natural aversion to being too lofty. In my real life, if I want to tell somebody something I believe deeply, I’ll come in at a slant with joking and stories. I guess it’s a spoonful-of-sugar kind of idea. 

How does your Buddhist practice influence the way you approach storytelling and character creation?

For me, it’s the other way around. Through writing, I was a Buddhist before I knew what it was. Somewhat early on I realized a textual moment is just like a real moment. When reading my story, how open am I to what’s actually happening on the page? If I have a bunch of ideas about why the book’s good, then I’m not that open to it—I’m denying evidence coming off the page. But if I can get my mind to quiet down a bit and concentrate on the sound of the sentence in front of me, it’s not “Is a sentence thematically important?” It’s just: “Do I like it? Does it sound good? Is it convincing me?” That early concentration was the first time I’d ever had a quiet mind. I wouldn’t say it was meditative exactly, but it was similar. So, later, when I started hearing about Buddhist ideas, I went, “That makes sense—that sounds familiar to me.”

Another way of saying it is that I first realized through writing that there was some other part of the mind than the everyday mind. I’d be working on a section, making small changes, and suddenly it would come to life. I was like, “Who did that? I didn’t—I’m the one who did the crappy first version.” It became exciting to think there was something I had reliable access to that was actually smarter, funnier, kinder, and all that. Then when I started sitting, I was like, “Oh, that’s similar.” So now, I trust that if I write by this method, it’s dharma, which is related to truth. How can you work with prose to make it less full of shit and more resonant and energetic? 

What do you think the reader gets out of Vigil in terms of being with dying?

Whenever I read stories that are like the ones I listed at the beginning, I get a slight sense of urgency related to the fact that it’s going to happen to me, and then a feeling like, “Oh my god, I still have time to make changes, to try to prepare.” Spending 170 pages at the side of a dying guy certainly made me feel the preciousness of this moment in which I’m not dying. 

Here’s what I hope. I love that somebody could feel tenderness for him alongside revulsion. If we say he’s a wicked former oil executive, that’s true. If we say he’s a doting father, that seems to be true. If we say he’s a pretty good husband who’s too much of a patriarch, that seems to be true. If we say he was a little kid who didn’t get what he wanted from his parents, that seems to be true as well. What makes it difficult is that we always want to choose one signifier. But with a novel, you get to have all of them laid on top of each other, and then the reader turns to me and goes, “What am I supposed to think of this guy?” And I’m like, “Exactly. What are you supposed to think about this guy?” It’s a slow-motion, mechanical form of training myself to think the way I’d like to think about people in real life. 

Do you think that fiction ultimately helps us be more compassionate?

I think it does, especially if it’s good. Good fiction certainly has helped me. A lot of the ideas that prepared me to be a Buddhist, I got from Tolstoy and Chekhov. They’d take a person that I would normally rush past in the street, and they’d stop time and let me go into that person’s head. 

I don’t know that it’s sufficient to overturn all the nastiness in the world. But for me, it’s a real touchstone—whether reading or writing fiction—to just go, well, actually, we can see a little more complexity than we do. And maybe we could train ourselves to slow down that first rush to judgment.


George Saunders

George Saunders won the 2017 Booker Prize for Lincoln in the Bardo. His new book is Vigil.

Saturday, July 19, 2025

Lehmann: Buddha Morning Meditation & 7 Affirmations

 

Buddha Morning Meditation

by Jonathan Lehmann

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A morning mindfulness exercise to practice maintaining your attention on the here and now along with affirmations inspired by the words of Buddha: “Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” Side effects may include increased presence, compassion and joy.

Transcript

Hi and welcome to the Buddha Morning Meditation.

The goal of this meditation is to help you have a beautiful day.

Start by sitting symmetrically and upright,

But without it being uncomfortable.

Close your eyes to start the journey within.

And close your mouth so that you're only breathing through your nose.

Our nostrils filter the air we breathe better than our mouths do,

And thus allow for slower,

More serene breathing.

Become entirely still.

You're completely motionless,

Except for the air coming in and out of your nostrils.

Observe your breathing.

It occurs naturally and automatically,

Without you having to do anything.

Now observe your current mood,

As if you were inspecting your emotions from the outside looking in,

As if these emotions were separate from your being.

And notice how the air coming in is colder than the air coming out of your nostrils.

If at any point during this meditation you're bothered by incoming thoughts,

It's perfectly normal,

And it's part of the practice.

When you notice these thoughts,

Simply refocus your attention on the cold air coming in and the warm air coming out.

That is to say,

On the present moment.

Without forcing anything,

And simply by observing the air coming in and out,

Slow down your breathing,

So that the flow of air gradually becomes thinner.

Imagine that this flow of air brings calm and comfort to your inner body,

As it comes in on the inhale and out on the exhale.

While still breathing slowly,

Imagine that you receive this air that enters your nostrils,

As if you had been deprived of air,

As if you were incredibly thirsty and were finally given a drink of water.

As if this flow of air were a magical substance,

Bringing you joy with every inhale.

And progressively,

The flow of air is becoming thinner and thinner.

You're breathing slower and slower.

Buddha once said,

Each morning we are born again,

What we do today is what matters most.

We are now going to focus on seven affirmations to increase our connection to the here and now throughout the day.

Pay attention to the words contained in the affirmations,

While remaining focused on your breathing.


First affirmation,

(1) I cannot change the past, but I can always do my best here and now.


Second affirmation,

(2) I do one thing at a time and pay full attention to everything I do.


Third affirmation,

(3) I cultivate silence and control the compulsion to interpret and qualify.


Fourth affirmation,

(4) Happiness is always here and now.


Fifth affirmation,

(5) Perfection is an illusion created by the mind.  Instead, I just try to do my best.


Sixth affirmation,

(6) I practice kindness towards myself and others.


Seventh affirmation,

(7) I'm confident, I'm relaxed, Everything is fine.


Before we finish,

Once again feel your current mood as if you were inspecting your emotions from the outside looking in.

And when you're ready,

You can progressively come out of this meditation and start noticing the surrounding sounds.

The various parts of your body that are in contact with an outside object,

Such as the chair or floor you might be sitting on,

Or the wall you might be leaning against.

And of course,

All the colors around you.

I hope you enjoyed this meditation.

Have a great day.


Sunday, March 16, 2025

Beloved Community - March 16, 2025 - H Byrne - on creating the Beloved community - via wisdom and compassion.

Finding peace within ourselves, and then able to go into the world without reactivity, without reproducing the hostility...

The bodhisattva path...not only to find peace within ourselves, but also to find peace in the world... a core part of our awakening but also to awake awaking in others.  'We are each other'. To recognize the interdependence of all of us...awakening all of us not just ourselves as individuals... this is the creation of the 'beloved community'.  MLK. No one is excluded. including those who we see as causing harm. 

To see a different way of seeing ourselves a driving in this world. Its easy to exclude others, to see separation. If it's us and them, there will be suffering. Any creation: the believers, the non-believers., the just and the unjust.. we then build in conflict and division. With the us/them... there can be a lot of hatred in the 'peace movement'...'we are right, they are wrong'...in the wisdom teachings, it's possible to work towards a compassionate world without creating more division, without excluding others from the community. 

Rather than polarity of good/evil, wisdom / ignorance, understanding/ not understanding. Getting 'rid' of them is not the answer. to see differences as the truth that we are all on a p ath of awakening...we all have Buddha nature...Quakers talk about it as 'each of us the capacity of Godliness'.  Truth is we never l ose that capacity to wake up.  MLK: 'NO ONE IS EXCLUDED FROM THE BELOVED COMMUNITY.  Our goal is not to defeat our opponent...it is injustice we seek to defeat not people who act unjustly.  Freedom and justice through love, not through hate. Not through boycotts... the end is reconciliation...the end is redemption.. ' NOT TO DESTROY those who have different views...but to include.  Hate is too great a burden to bear. match your capacity to inflict suffering, by our capacity to endure capacity...and in the process we will convert you. 

Not just about winning the political victory..but also about winning over the other. 

Solzinitzyn: If only it were all so simple...evil people out there committing evil deeds... the line dividing good and evil cuts through every human being and who is willing to destroy a piece of their own heart. 

Per Buddha, the challenge is not the duality of good people v evil people, but rather seeing and not seeing. Finding the way to free their own heart, vs. not being able to free their own heart. If MLK can do this in his struggle with the KKK, we can do it too. Doing this with an open heart, with a compassionate heart...without this, we will keep reproducing the suffering...the mark of shallowness...thinking we can defeat the other. 

the way out is to cultivate the 'open heart'...TNH...we all have seeds within us... seeds of cruelty, anger'...also have seeds of kindness, gratitude and love within us...which seeds are we going to nurture. These seeds whichever type are watered, we will reap what we water: equanimity...compassion or anger and hate. WE START WHERE WE ARE. We work where we have the greatest agency (Sister True Dedication).

Clarissa Pinkola Estes: Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once..but to mend the world that is within our reach. What is the part of the world that is within our reach? How do I cultivate my own clinging...what can I do to let go of my clinging...what can I do to help a family member? something that is within my reach. 

The energy is delusion: Ajahn Chah...we're looking for happiness in places it cannot be found. 

Tuesday, March 11, 2025

Hugh Byrne on acceptance - March 9

 Live Session Summary, Sunday, March 9, 2025: It was good to be with you for our live session today. The focus of the session was on three core practices to cultivate peace in these turbulent times.

Here are some of the main themes, poems, and quotes from today’s Live session:

The first core practice I highlighted to help us strengthen peace and resilience is the willingness to be with our experience as it is—the joys and sorrows; the pains and pleasures; the good, the bad, and the ugly—without clinging, resisting, or escaping. 

When we train the mind to open to our experience, everything can come and go without being a problem. It might be a difficult emotion or sensation, but if it is met with kindness and acceptance, we can learn to tolerate challenging experiences and don’t have to add the ‘second arrow’ of suffering to the ‘first arrow’ of pain: As the saying goes, ‘pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.’

The Sufi poet Rumi invites us to ‘Welcome the guests //Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows.’ Dorothy Hunt reminds us that ‘Peace is this moment without judgment // This moment in the heart space where everything that is is welcome.’ And Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now counsels that ‘What you accept fully, you go beyond.’ 

Saying ‘yes’ to what is; cultivating radical, or deep-rooted, acceptance; meeting our experience open-heartedly without judgment or resistance, are all skillful ways of finding peace whatever the circumstances or conditions. Peace is always possible, always available, always already here. Turning towards what we are experiencing here and now is the gateway to peace and the deepest freedom.

The second core practice that I discussed is training the mind to untangle ourselves from stories and narratives that keep us locked in suffering—for example, when we identify with our fear or anger and get swept up in thought patterns that control us rather than being a product of our conscious choosing. 

Once we become habituated to these forms of thinking it can be difficult to untangle ourselves because we identify the mental stories—about how things ‘are’ or how a person always is, how life is, or how we ourselves are. I shared the story of the person riding a horse that’s galloping along at top speed and someone shouts to the rider, ‘Where are you going?’ and the rider shouts back, ‘Don’t ask me, ask the horse.’ 

When the unconscious, unmindful mind is in the driver’s seat, we keep ourselves locked in suffering. It takes training and attention to notice when the mind is swept up in afflictive thinking and to choose to come out of the mental narrative and back to our direct experience. Over time, we can retrain the mind to be present and find peace here and now. In the words of Eckhart Tolle, ‘You can always cope with the present moment. but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection — you cannot cope with the future.’ 

The third core practice we explored to cultivate peace whatever the conditions is to practice self-compassion. Self-compassion consists of three key qualities: 1) meeting our experience with kindness rather than with harshness or judgment; 2) recognizing our ‘common humanity’ rather than identifying with the illusion that we are alone and separate from others and from life; and 3) mindfulness—meeting our experience with a balanced awareness rather than with clinging, aversion, or unconsciousness. 

We can practice self-compassion by repeating phrases rooted in kindness and care: ‘May I be safe // May I be happy // May I be kind to myself // May I accept myself as I am.’ Cultivating self-compassion is associated with a wide variety of health benefits. 

When we cultivate these three core practices we deepen peace and well-being, free ourselves from suffering, and open with compassion to the suffering of others.

I shared the poems ‘Wild Geese’ by Mary Oliver and ‘The Good News’ by Thich Nhat Hanh. 


Have a good week ahead and I look forward to seeing you next Sunday, March 16 at 9am eastern. Warmly, Hugh 🙏🏻 💜 🌻


Below is a post attached to the daily Quote on insight timer on March 11: 

How ironic is this quote on my special day, and Tanisha's comment about embracing the 'uncertain present'...this day really is a present for me, one that I am truly grateful for, because as I celebrate my 'existence', two other people I know are being laid to rest today. 


So I hope that each and every one of you realizes that every morning when you are 'woken up', you have been gifted with another day, another chance to make the most of your time here. Life moves fast, and the only moment we truly have is right now. So enjoy it, appreciate it, and show love to those around you. Follow your heart, find joy in the little things, and live fully, because what really matters is not how long we live, but how we spend each moment. ❤🙏🌈💫


Tuesday, October 1, 2024

Matthieu Richard on Bodhichitta

"So je reste en bonne santé, j'utiliserai mes forces pour m'adonner à la pratique spirituelle. 

Si je tombe malade, j'utiliserai mes maux pour augmenter ma compassion envers ceux qui souffrent. 

Si je vis longtemps, j'utiliserai chaque instant pour accomplir le bienfait d'autrui et le mien.

Si ma vie touche à sa fin, je vivrai au mieux le moment de la mort pour obtenir une renaissance favorable à la quête de l'Eveil."

Prière de Gyalsé Ngulchou Thogmé

Sunday, August 11, 2024

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Hugh Byrne - June 23, 2024 - 4 Heavenly Messengers

The practice of 'Triage' in our inner lives. What is most important now in a world full of challenges - a personal world and a world common to all of us.

Being present for 'this'...meet it wholeheartedly...what can be dealt with now, in this moment...the power of now: Eckhardt Tolle.

Some things have to be dealt with later...when the time is right. 

What is this moment calling for? The messenger is here. Reminders of our impermanence. What is a compassionate response to this person, to this situation...this instead of 'judgement', instead of aversion. 

Here we remember the criticality of attending to our spiritual life, the primacy of our spiritual life, our inner life... being present with our life, in an 'inner' way: cultivate kindness, compassion... thereby we create the conditions that are appropriate to the outer life.  this is the message of the 4th Heavenly Messenger.  from this quality of being present now...opening wholeheartedly to this moment. Cultivate acceptance.

How are these Heavenly Messengers showing up in my life? Sickness in my life, in my partner's life, my family's life. 

Antonio Machado: "Walker"

Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Meditation is making friends with yourself - Kate Johnson

Making Friends with Ourselves

Being our own best friend is a challenging feat. Kate Johnson explains how meditation can help us get to know our inner critics and prevent them from hindering our path to liberation.

KATE JOHNSON

24 AUGUST 2021Meditation is making friends with yourself. It’s a statement that struck me as hokey when I first heard it, but the more I practice, the more profound it seems. Truth be told, there are things I’ve said to myself that I would never, ever say to a friend. I’ve flaked on my own self-care dates, broken promises of rest and quality time, and pushed myself too hard by telling myself that my best wasn’t good enough.

Meditating from the belief that we are broken and need to be fixed will only undermine our efforts to develop calm and ease.
I’ve forced myself to be silent when I wanted to speak. I’ve scolded myself for being sick or tired, and refused myself the opportunity to ask for help. Basically, I’ve had moments of treating myself like someone I didn’t even like, let alone love. What makes friendship with ourselves so radical is that we dare to do it in a world where the dominant culture would rather we be at war with ourselves. In The Body Is Not an Apology, author and activist Sonya Renee Taylor names this pervasive force of cruelty toward ourselves as a paradigm of “body terrorism” in the Western world. “Our economic systems,” she writes, “shape how we see our bodies and the bodies of others, and they ultimately inform what we are compelled to do or buy based on that reflection.”5 In other words, self-hatred is a big business. Radical self-love, Taylor proposes, can heal the harms caused by misogyny, ageism, fatphobia, and ableism, among other oppressive ideologies. If we think our bodies are actually OK, if we’re kind to them—feeding them when they’re hungry, accepting them even when they can’t do something they used to do, understanding that they sometimes get sick and eventually get old, dressing them in a way that makes us feel fabulous and happy anyway—then we don’t need to build our worth through products and services. So often, the things we buy don’t fill the void anyway.

Meditation is making friends with yourself. How many of us can truly say we are our own best friend? I know I mentioned in the introduction that meditation alone is not enough to undo the conditioning that has been perpetuated by systems of injustice. It’s also true that meditation can be a part of the healing process for those of us who have been deeply harmed by these systems. The key is not making meditation yet another way to beat up on ourselves for not being good enough. Meditating from the belief that we are broken and need to be fixed will only undermine our efforts to develop calm and ease. Self-aggression squeezes the mind, and discursive, aggressive thoughts spill out everywhere. Meditation, at its best, is an offering of love to ourselves. It gets even better with practice.

I learned this lesson in a big way once, while practicing on yet another three-month silent meditation retreat. I’d quietly decided before I arrived that I would do it “the hard way.” Which meant acting on a subtle belief that being mentally brutal with myself was the best way to swiftly spur myself toward enlightenment. At the end of each day, I felt mentally fatigued and physically sore. Still, I soldiered on, paying attention to mind moment after mind moment with obsessive dedication. After one particularly long and uncompromising day of following the retreat schedule to the minute and cramming in extra meditation sessions during mealtimes, I was crossing the threshold from the meditation room to the hallway when I heard an inner voice comment: Not good enough. It felt like a tiny jab.

Meditation, at its best, is an offering of love to ourselves. It gets even better with practice.

In the short walk from the meditation hall back to the dormitory, I noticed that voice chiming in at least a half dozen times. Walking: not slow enough. Stopping on the way to my room to get some tea: not focused enough. Putting honey into said tea: not hardcore enough. Every action I took seemed to provoke this harsh inner commentary. I realized that the internal criticisms had been coming for quite some time, only they were so subtle and familiar I hadn’t noticed them. I heard them, but they appeared in my mind as if they were simply the truth. Each comment only hurt a bit, like a pinprick. But, at the end of a day of being pricked every few moments, I was aching and full of holes.

When I shared this experience in a meeting with the guiding teacher on that retreat, he suggested that I relate to this inner voice as if it were coming from a cartoon character. Externalizing it, picturing the voice coming from something I could have a sense of humor about, might help me at least tolerate the experience, since I couldn’t control it. Because each criticism felt like a sharp jab, I nicknamed this inner critic “Jabba the Hutt.” I’d never actually seen Star Wars at the time (I know, I know), so I imagined Jabba looking something like Marvin the Martian—a tiny knight perched on my shoulder who jabbed me with a sharp staff from time to time.

My teacher advised me to be really aware of when the mind state I now called Jabba was present and to reflect on whether it had some purpose it was trying to serve. When I dropped that question into my mind—Is Jabba trying to help me?—the answer felt clear as a bell. Being hard on myself had worked so beautifully in so many other areas of my life; I’d managed to exceed society’s expectations, to be regarded in schools and workplaces as impressive, exceptional. Mastering Buddhist meditation, I thought, should be just like conquering any other obstacle that I’d blasted through up until this point.

Turns out, I couldn’t just put my head down and bulldoze my way to nirvana. When I tried to flick Jabba off my shoulder and go back to my breath, or when I spent an entire practice period inwardly yelling at him to push off, he just came back. Jabbing with a flourish, he whisper-screamed a defiant Not good enough! inside my mind.

At some point, I said to this inner voice, Listen. I understand that you’re trying to help me. But what you’re doing—it’s not helping right now. I’m already doing the best I can. So, why don’t you just come sit with me while I watch my breath? I imagined pulling the angry little guy into my lap, tucking him under my arm, and putting a blanket over him. From time to time, Jabba would stir and get rowdy, and I would soothe him again: It’s OK. We’re doing fine. Just a few more minutes, just like this. One breath at a time.

Sitting with Jabba seemed like such a humble use of this meditation retreat. I wasn’t busting through any new dimensions of consciousness, I thought, or dissolving my ego into pure bliss. I was just sitting there, calming an imaginary enemy that wouldn’t let me get into the real meditation. Oddly enough, when I gave in and treated myself and Jabba (who was, of course, also me) with kindness, I found that I did not end up plagued by a dumb cartoon character for the remainder of the retreat. I spent a good few days offering friendship and understanding to the voice inside me that told me I wasn’t good enough, and after turning to face it with love in my heart, it started to soften and subside all on its own. It was as if, by committing to making friends with that cranky, critical part of my own mind, it no longer had anything to poke at or stick to. The experience also yielded great insights into the nature of self and consciousness, by the way. Insights I don’t believe I ever could have found if I hadn’t given up fighting my experience and started allowing it to be, dropping the struggle and trying my best to love it even when I didn’t like it.

The reason why making friends with ourselves is so essential on the path to liberation is that the forces of privilege and oppression are not just out there in the world somewhere. We’ve all inhaled harmful societal messages and unknowingly integrated them into the most intimate structures of our bodies and minds, where they manifest in a seemingly personal way. Perfectionism is just one example. In their classic manual Dismantling Racism: A Workbook for Social Change Groups, anti-oppression trainers Tema Okun and Kenneth Jones wrote about the perfectionism that manifests in unjust systems as “the failure to appreciate our own and others’ good work.” We can recognize it, they suggest, through the presence of a “harsh and constant inner critic” that points out our faults, failures, inadequacies, and mistakes in a way that makes it nearly impossible to actually learn from them.6

Okun and Jones identified chronic perfectionism as just one of the characteristics of “white supremacy culture”— the expression of which isn’t limited to skinheads and the Ku Klux Klan. It’s a set of ideologies that can be perpetuated by anyone acculturated within societies that systematically advantage white people to the disadvantage of Black, Indigenous, and other people of color. Their complete list of characteristics of white supremacy culture also includes:

• Perfectionism: identifying self and other with mistakes, little appreciation for assets
• Sense of urgency: the drive for quick and visible results
• Defensiveness: an inability to tolerate feedback or criticism
 Valuing quantity over quality: if results can’t be measured, they have no value
• Worship of the written word: little respect for other ways information is shared
• Paternalism: lack of clarity around how power is held and decisions are made
• Either/or thinking: oversimplifying complexity and creating false binaries
• Power hoarding: little value around sharing power at the level of leadership
• Fear of open conflict: those who raise issues are seen as problematic or inappropriate
• Individualism: a culture of competition instead of collaboration, leads to isolation
• Progress: bigger and more: an appetite for growth without considering impacts of continuous expansion
• Belief in objectivity: a premium on logic and reason, privileging what can be known through the mind, invalidating expressions of emotion

You probably see where I’m going with this. So many of the norms of white supremacy that are observable in our organizational and community cultures can also be seen at the microlevel in our meditation practices—because, if you’re like me, you probably learned to meditate within the dominant cultural paradigm. This culture reinforces a sense of urgency to get somewhere in our meditation practice. Valuing quantity over quality by competing or comparing with others about how many minutes we meditate for. Engaging in either/or thinking by approaching the practice as if there is only one right way or obsessing about which lineage is the best. Reinforcing individualism by approaching spiritual practice primarily as a solitary pursuit, preferring an app over a relationship with a teacher and a community. The sad fact is that these values, so normalized and even prized within white supremacy culture, actually undermine our spiritual progress, and they usually make us miserable in the process.

Here’s the good news though: in our meditation practice, we can hardly help but see these characteristics arise in us if we’re willing to honestly look. Recognizing them for what they are (forms of suffering) and establishing a new relationship with them (the wish to let go) sets us firmly on the path to dismantling them for good. Meditation itself is a practice that can help us to heal these tendencies and develop new ones that don’t rely on violence and domination to help us grow.

Liberating our bodies, hearts, and minds from internalized oppression takes time, energy, and lots and lots of love. We need to believe we are worth the effort. And, we need to find others who are in it for the journey too. Liberation is not, and was never meant to be, a solitary path. So, let’s talk a little about what it takes to accompany each other on the journey.

From Radical Friendship: Seven Ways to Love Yourself and Find Your People in an Unjust World by Kate Johnson © 2021 Kate Johnson. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. www.shambhala.com

Kate Johnson

KATE JOHNSON

Kate Johnson teaches classes and retreats integrating Buddhist meditation, somatics, social justice, and creativity at leading meditation centers, universities and cultural institutions around the country. Kate also works as a culture change consultant, partnering with organizations to help them achieve greater diversity and sustainability. She’s a graduate of Spirit Rock Meditation Center’s four year teacher training, as well an utterly unprofessional dancer and performer who earned a BFA in Dance from The Alvin Ailey School/Fordham University and an MA in Performance Studies from NYU. For more information, please visit www.katejohnson.com