Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts

Thursday, November 13, 2025

Still Water Sangha - Thursday, Nov 13, 2025 - no Coming, no Going

 

a post card on a mirror: "This is no place to look for perfection."

This post card can be placed in any place, in any context.... as the mind spirals into perfectionism, and anxiety, and begins to head into panic in pursuit of gaining..

'You are already what you want to be'....


Taking Comfort in the Falling Leaves

Thursday Evening Online Program
November 13, 2025, 7:00 to 8:45 pm Eastern time

Dear Still Water Friends,

Recently, I’ve noticed an underlying sense of being weighed down by accumulated grief from the past and fear of the future. This week I received a sorrowful text from a friend that November eighth is the tenth anniversary of his first wife’s death. I’d known my friend and his wife as a couple for fifteen years before her unexpected, tragic accident and death. 

Reading the text, I was shocked that so much time has elapsed since her death. The day after she died, I spent time with her husband and other friends at the couple’s house, looking at photos, cuddling kitties, cooking, listening to stories about her life and hearing more about their lives together. 

In the last few days, I’ve not only thought of her life cut short but wondered who I am now and how I’ve lived my life these past ten years. Time seems to have floated away, and my instinct is to clutch at what remains. In our morning meditation group, we are reading Thích Nhất Hạnh’s (Thầy’s) book No Death, No Fear in which he talks about the two dimensions. There is the historical dimension, in which we perceive life as beginning with each of us being born at a certain time and then ending as we die at a certain time, and there is the ultimate dimension—our timeless true nature, in which there is no birth and no death.

Thầy writes: 
Our true nature is the nature of no birth and no death. We do not have to go anywhere in order to touch our true nature. The wave does not have to look for water because she is water. We do not have to look for God, we do not have to look for our ultimate dimension or nirvana, because we are nirvana, we are God. You are what you are looking for. You are already what you want to become. You can say to the wave, "My dearest wave, you are water. You don't have to go and seek water. Your nature is the nature of nondiscrimination, of no birth, of no death, of no being and of no non-being." Practice like a wave. Take the time to look deeply into yourself and recognize that your nature is the nature of no-birth and no-death. You can break through to freedom and fearlessness this way. This method of practice will help us to live without fear, and it will help us to die peacefully without regret.

If you carry within yourself deep grief, if you have lost a loved one, if you are inhabited by fear of death, oblivion and annihilation, please take up this teaching and begin to practice it. If you practice well, you will be capable of looking at the cloud, the rose, the pebble or your child with the kind of eyes the Buddha has transmitted to us. You will touch the no-birth, no-death, no-coming, no-going nature of reality. This can liberate you from your fear, from your anxiety and your sorrow. Then you can truly have the kind of peace that will make you strong and stable, smiling as events happen. Living this way will allow you to help many people around you.

 
I find this reading deeply comforting, especially the line, “You are what you are looking for. You are already what you want to become.” Even when I can’t wrap my mind around this, I can go outside, breathe slowly, walk on the earth, and watch the falling leaves. 

Here in the Washington, DC area, waves of autumn leaves are letting go now, many more of them than the losses present in my life and in all our lives. Thầy’s words call me back to myself, reminding me what I’d like to focus on in my remaining life. I am grateful to have known my friend who died ten years ago, and I am grateful to have all the wonderful family and friends by whom I am surrounded and held. My aspiration is to open more to gratitude for and wonder at being alive, releasing anxiety and fear.

This Thursday night, after our regular sitting, we will explore three questions together:
  • What practices help you come back to yourself when you feel weighed down by life?
  • What are your current aspirations in your life?
  • Who in your life has helped you experience joy and hope, even in challenging circumstances?
You are warmly invited to join us!

Peace,
Eliza King

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Tu Fu: Restless Night

 


Restless Night

As bamboo chill drifts into the bedroom,
Moonlight fills every corner of our
Garden. Heavy dew beads and trickles.
Stars suddenly there, sparse, next aren’t.

Fireflies in dark flight flash. Waking
Waterbirds begin calling, one to another.
All things caught between shield and sword,
All grief empty, the clear night passes.


Sunday, February 14, 2021

Life as Dancing - 'Birdwings' by Rumi

 

Birdwings

Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you’re bravely working.
Expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding.
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as bird wings.

~ Rumi

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Loss

Not a one and done...always and continually?  Think about the paragraph starting with 'Get Support.'

Coping with loss

Ideally, a bereaved person will be able to work through the process of grieving. With time and support, they’ll accept and make sense of the loss, work through the pain, and adjust to a life without their loved one physically being present.
If you or someone you know has lost a loved one, the following tips may help you cope with the loss:
  • Let yourself feel the pain and all the other emotions, too. Don’t tell yourself how to feel or let others tell you how you should feel.
  • Be patient with the process. Don’t pressure yourself with expectations. Accept that you need to experience your pain, your emotions, and your own way of healing − all in your own time. Don’t judge your emotions or compare yourself to others. Remember that no one else can tell you how you should mourn or when to stop.
  • Acknowledge your feelings, even the ones you don’t like. Let yourself cry. You need to do both for healing.
  • Get support. Talk about your loss, your memories, and your experience of the life and death of your loved one. Don’t think you are protecting your family and friends by not expressing your sadness. Ask others for what you need. Find and talk to others who have lost a loved one.
  • Try to maintain your normal lifestyle. Don’t make any major life changes (for example, moving, changing jobs, changing important relationships) during the first year of bereavement. This will let you keep your roots and some sense of security.
  • Take care of yourself. Eat well and exercise. Physical activity is a good way to release tension. Allow yourself physical pleasures that help you renew yourself, like hot baths, naps, and favorite foods.
  • Avoid drinking too much alcohol or using other drugs. This can harm your body as well as dull your emotions. It’s also likely to slow your recovery and may cause new problems.
  • Forgive yourself for all the things you did or didn’t say or do. Compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others is important in healing.
  • Give yourself a break from grief. You must work through it, but you don’t need to focus on grief all the time. Find distractions like going to a movie, dinner, or a ball game; reading a good book; listening to music; or getting a massage or manicure.
  • Prepare for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries knowing that strong feelings may come back. Decide if you want to keep certain traditions or create new ones. Plan in advance how you want to spend your time and with whom. Do something to honor the memory of your loved one.
  • Join a bereavement support group. Other people can encourage, guide, and comfort you. They can also offer practical advice and information, and help you feel less alone. If you can’t find a group near you, online groups may be helpful.
  • When you feel ready, do something creative. Some options include:
    • Write a letter to the person who died to say everything you wish you could say to them.
    • Start keeping a journal.
    • Make a scrapbook.
    • Paint pictures.
    • Plant flowers or trees.
    • Involve yourself in a cause or activity that the deceased loved.
Your wounds are craving
your healing.
Lean into yourself and
be the deep listener
you’ve always needed.

(Vienna Pharaon)

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Bernie Glassman






Saturday, August 4, 2018

Sence you went away

Seems lak to me de stars don’t shine so bright,
Seems lak to me de sun done loss his light,
Seems lak to me der’s nothin’ goin’ right,
    Sence you went away.

Seems lak to me de sky ain’t half so blue,
Seems lak to me dat ev’ything wants you,
Seems lak to me I don’t know what to do,
    Sence you went away.

Seems lake to me dat ev’ything is wrong,
Seems lak to me de day’s jes twice es long,
Seems lak to me de bird’s forgot his song,
    Sence you went away.

Seems lak to me I jes can’t he’p but sigh,
Seems lak to me ma th’oat keeps gettin’ dry,
Seems lak to me a tear stays in ma eye,
    Sence you went away.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Blake on grasping

He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies Lives in eternity's sun rise.

- William Blake

The meeting and parting of living things is as when clouds having come together
drift apart again, or as when the leaves are parted from the tree.  There is nothing we may call our own in a union that is but a dream---