Showing posts with label perfection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perfection. Show all posts

Sunday, April 12, 2026

Everything I think I am missing - Danna Faulds

https://aplacetobreatheblog1.blogspot.com/2011/07/everything-i-think-im-missing.html

 by Danna Faulds

Everything I think I'm Missing

I am struggling. There's who I
believe I ought to be, and who
I really am. It's humbling, isn't
it? This being, this mystery, this
me sits here radiating energy, yet
I'm gripped by a nameless fear
that I'm missing exactly what
I came to experience.

I am suffering, telling myself
stories of what life should look
like. And then I get the message
like a meteor, like the power
coming back on after hours
in a storm.

This life, this extraordinary
imperfection, this moment
just as it is, this is all I'm
here to receive. The infuriating,
limitless simplicity of day-to-
day living holds everything
I think I'm missing.

One Soul: More poems from the heart of yoga, Danna Faulds, pg 33

Thursday, November 13, 2025

Still Water Sangha - Thursday, Nov 13, 2025 - no Coming, no Going

 

a post card on a mirror: "This is no place to look for perfection."

This post card can be placed in any place, in any context.... as the mind spirals into perfectionism, and anxiety, and begins to head into panic in pursuit of gaining..

'You are already what you want to be'....


Taking Comfort in the Falling Leaves

Thursday Evening Online Program
November 13, 2025, 7:00 to 8:45 pm Eastern time

Dear Still Water Friends,

Recently, I’ve noticed an underlying sense of being weighed down by accumulated grief from the past and fear of the future. This week I received a sorrowful text from a friend that November eighth is the tenth anniversary of his first wife’s death. I’d known my friend and his wife as a couple for fifteen years before her unexpected, tragic accident and death. 

Reading the text, I was shocked that so much time has elapsed since her death. The day after she died, I spent time with her husband and other friends at the couple’s house, looking at photos, cuddling kitties, cooking, listening to stories about her life and hearing more about their lives together. 

In the last few days, I’ve not only thought of her life cut short but wondered who I am now and how I’ve lived my life these past ten years. Time seems to have floated away, and my instinct is to clutch at what remains. In our morning meditation group, we are reading Thích Nhất Hạnh’s (Thầy’s) book No Death, No Fear in which he talks about the two dimensions. There is the historical dimension, in which we perceive life as beginning with each of us being born at a certain time and then ending as we die at a certain time, and there is the ultimate dimension—our timeless true nature, in which there is no birth and no death.

Thầy writes: 
Our true nature is the nature of no birth and no death. We do not have to go anywhere in order to touch our true nature. The wave does not have to look for water because she is water. We do not have to look for God, we do not have to look for our ultimate dimension or nirvana, because we are nirvana, we are God. You are what you are looking for. You are already what you want to become. You can say to the wave, "My dearest wave, you are water. You don't have to go and seek water. Your nature is the nature of nondiscrimination, of no birth, of no death, of no being and of no non-being." Practice like a wave. Take the time to look deeply into yourself and recognize that your nature is the nature of no-birth and no-death. You can break through to freedom and fearlessness this way. This method of practice will help us to live without fear, and it will help us to die peacefully without regret.

If you carry within yourself deep grief, if you have lost a loved one, if you are inhabited by fear of death, oblivion and annihilation, please take up this teaching and begin to practice it. If you practice well, you will be capable of looking at the cloud, the rose, the pebble or your child with the kind of eyes the Buddha has transmitted to us. You will touch the no-birth, no-death, no-coming, no-going nature of reality. This can liberate you from your fear, from your anxiety and your sorrow. Then you can truly have the kind of peace that will make you strong and stable, smiling as events happen. Living this way will allow you to help many people around you.

 
I find this reading deeply comforting, especially the line, “You are what you are looking for. You are already what you want to become.” Even when I can’t wrap my mind around this, I can go outside, breathe slowly, walk on the earth, and watch the falling leaves. 

Here in the Washington, DC area, waves of autumn leaves are letting go now, many more of them than the losses present in my life and in all our lives. Thầy’s words call me back to myself, reminding me what I’d like to focus on in my remaining life. I am grateful to have known my friend who died ten years ago, and I am grateful to have all the wonderful family and friends by whom I am surrounded and held. My aspiration is to open more to gratitude for and wonder at being alive, releasing anxiety and fear.

This Thursday night, after our regular sitting, we will explore three questions together:
  • What practices help you come back to yourself when you feel weighed down by life?
  • What are your current aspirations in your life?
  • Who in your life has helped you experience joy and hope, even in challenging circumstances?
You are warmly invited to join us!

Peace,
Eliza King

Sunday, June 29, 2025

Exploring Perfectionism Through the Lens of Mindful Awareness

Narrative on perfectionism, ways of working with it, and this generated via dialectic with Chat LLM, Chat GPT

https://shorturl.at/s2sjF

Friday, March 15, 2024

Wabi-Sabi

 Wabi-Sabi For Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers

An excerpt from Leonard Koren’s gem, Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers, considered a class statement on this Japanese aesthetic.

LEONARD KOREN1 JANUARY 2003

Like many of my contemporaries, I first learned of wabi-sabi during my youthful spiritual quest in the late 1960’s. At that time, the traditional culture of Japan beckoned with profound “answers” to life’s toughest questions. Wabi-sabi seemed to me a nature-based aesthetic paradigm that restored a measure of sanity and proportion to the art of living.

Wabi-sabi resolved my artistic dilemma about how to create beautiful things without getting caught up in the dispiriting materialism that usually surrounds such creative acts. Wabi-sabi—deep, multidimensional, elusive—appeared the perfect antidote to the pervasively slick, saccharine, corporate style of beauty that I felt was desensitizing American society. I have since come to believe that wabi-sabi is related to many of the more emphatic anti-aesthetics that invariably spring from the young, modern, creative soul: beat, punk, grunge, or whatever it’s called next.

Wabi-sabi is the most conspicuous and characteristic feature of what we think of as traditional Japanese beauty. It occupies roughly the same position in the Japanese pantheon of aesthetic values as do the Greek ideas of beauty and perfection in the West. Wabi-sabi can in its fullest expression be a way of life. At the very least, it is a particular type of beauty.

The closest English word to wabi-sabi is probably “rustic.” Webster’s defines “rustic” as “simple, artless, or unsophisticated… [with] surfaces rough or irregular.” While “rustic” represents only a limited dimension of the wabi-sabi aesthetic, it is the initial impression many people have when they first see a wabi-sabi expression. Wabi-sabi does share some characteristics with what we commonly call “primitive art,” that is, objects that are earthy, simple, unpretentious and fashioned out of natural materials. Unlike primitive art, though, wabi-sabi almost never is used representationally or symbolically.

Originally, the Japanese words “wabi” and “sabi” had quite different meanings. “Sabi” originally meant “chill,” “lean,” or “withered.” “Wabi” originally meant the misery of living alone in nature, away from society, and suggested a discouraged, dispirited, cheerless emotional state. Around the fourteenth century, the meanings of both words began to evolve in the direction of more positive aesthetic values. The self-imposed isolation and voluntary poverty of the hermit and ascetic came to be considered opportunities for spiritual richness. For the poetically inclined, this kind of life fostered art appreciation of the minor details of everyday life and insights into the beauty of the inconspicuous and overlooked aspects of nature. In turn, unprepossessing simplicity took on new meaning as the basis for a new, pure beauty.

The Metaphysical Basis of Wabi-Sabi

What is the universe like?

Things are either devolving toward, or evolving from, nothingness. As dusk approaches in the hinterlands, a traveler ponders shelter for the night. He notices tall rushes growing everywhere, so he bundles an armful together as they stand in the field, and knots them at the top. Presto, a living grass hut. The next morning, before embarking on another day’s journey, he unknots the rushes and, presto, the hut de-constructs, disappears, and becomes a virtually indistinguishable part of the larger field of rushes once again. The original wilderness seems to be restored, but minute traces of the shelter remain. A slight twist or bend in a reed here and there. There is also the memory of the hut in the mind of the traveler—and in the mind of the reader reading this description. Wabi-sabi, in its purest, most idealized form, is precisely about these delicate traces, this faint evidence, at the borders of nothingness.

While the universe destructs it also constructs. New things emerge out of nothingness. But we can’t really determine by cursory observation whether something is in the evolving or devolving mode. If we didn’t know differently we might mistake the newborn baby boy—small, wrinkled, bent, a little grotesque looking—for the very old man on the brink of death. In representations of wabi-sabi, arbitrarily perhaps, the devolving dynamic generally tends to manifest itself in things a little darker, more obscure and quiet. Things evolving tend to be a little lighter and brighter, a bit clearer and slightly more eye-arresting. And nothingness itself—instead of being empty space, as in the West—is alive with possibility. In metaphysical terms, wabi-sabi suggests that the universe is in constant motion toward or away from potential.

Wabi-Sabi Spiritual Values

What are the lessons of the universe?

Truth comes from the observation of nature. The Japanese have tried to control nature where they could, as best they could, within the limits of available technology. But there was little they could do about the weather—hot and humid summers, cold and dry winters and rain on the average of one out of every three days throughout the year, except during the rainy season in early summer when everything is engulfed in a fine, wet mist for six to eight weeks. And there was little they could do about the earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, typhoons, floods, fires and tidal waves that periodically and unpredictably visited their land. The Japanese didn’t particularly trust nature, but they learned from it. Three of the most obvious lessons gleaned from millennia of contact with nature (and leavened with Taoist thought) were incorporated into the wisdom of wabi-sabi:

1. All things are impermanent. The inclination toward nothingness is unrelenting and universal. Even things that have all the earmarks of substance—things that are hard, inert, solid—present nothing more than the illusion of permanence. We may wear blinders, use ruses to forget, ignore, or pretend otherwise—but all comes to nothing in the end. Everything wears down. The planets and stars, and even intangible things like reputation, family heritage, historical memory, scientific theorems, mathematical proofs, great art and literature (even in digital form)—all eventually fade into oblivion and nonexistence.

2. All things are imperfect. Nothing that exists is without imperfections. When we look really closely at things we see the flaws. The sharp edge of a razor blade, when magnified, reveals microscopic pits, chips and variegations. Every craftsman knows the limits of perfection: the imperfections glare back. And as things begin to break down and approach the primordial state, they become even less perfect, more irregular.

3. All things are incomplete. All things, including the universe itself, are in a constant, never-ending state of becoming or dissolving. Often we arbitrarily designate moments, points along the way, as “finished” or “complete.” But when does something’s destiny finally come to fruition? Is the plant complete when it flowers? When it goes to seed? When the seeds sprout? When everything turns into compost? The notion of completion has no basis in wabi-sabi.

“Greatness” exists in the inconspicuous and overlooked details. Wabi-sabi represents the exact opposite of the Western ideal of great beauty as something monumental, spectacular, and enduring. Wabi-sabi is not found in nature at moments of bloom and lushness, but at moments of inception or subsiding. Wabi-sabi is not about gorgeous flowers, majestic trees or bold landscapes. Wabi-sabi is about the minor and the hidden, the tentative and the ephemeral: things so subtle and evanescent they are invisible to vulgar eyes.

Like homeopathic medicine, the essence of wabi-sabi is apportioned in small doses. As the dose decreases, the effect becomes more potent, more profound. The closer things get to nonexistence, the more exquisite and evocative they become. Consequently to experience wabi-sabi means you have to slow way down, be patient and look very closely.

Beauty can be coaxed out of ugliness. Wabi-sabi is ambivalent about separating beauty from non-beauty or ugliness. The beauty of wabi-sabi is, in one respect, the condition of coming to terms with what you consider ugly. Wabi-sabi suggests that beauty is a dynamic event that occurs between you and something else. Beauty can spontaneously occur at any moment given the proper circumstances, context or point of view. Beauty is thus an altered state of consciousness, an extraordinary moment of poetry and grace.

To the wealthy merchants, samurai and aristocrats who practiced tea, a medieval Japanese farmer’s hut, which the wabi-sabi tea room was modeled on, was a quite lowly and miserable environment. Yet, in the proper context, with some perceptual guidance, it took on exceptional beauty. Similarly, early wabi-sabi tea utensils were rough, flawed and of undistinguished muddy colors. To tea people accustomed to the Chinese standards of refined, gorgeous and perfect beauty, they were initially perceived as ugly. It is almost as if the pioneers of wabi-sabi intentionally looked for such examples of the conventionally not-beautiful—homely but not excessively grotesque—and created challenging situations where they would be transformed into their opposite.

The Wabi-Sabi State of Mind

How do we feel about what we know?

Acceptance of the inevitable.Wabi-sabi is an aesthetic appreciation of the evanescence of life. The luxuriant tree of summer is now only withered branches under a winter sky. All that remains of a splendid mansion is a crumbled foundation overgrown with weeds and moss. Wabi-sabi images force us to contemplate our own mortality, and they evoke an existential loneliness and tender sadness. They also stir a mingled bittersweet comfort, since we know all existence shares the same fate.

The wabi-sabi state of mind is often communicated through poetry, because poetry lends itself to emotional expression and strong, reverberating images that seem “larger” than the small verbal frame that holds them (thus evoking the larger universe). Rikyu used this oft-repeated poem by Fujiwara no Teika (1162-1241) to describe the mood of wabi-sabi:

All around, no flowers in bloom / Nor maple leaves in glare, / A solitary fisherman’s hut alone / On the twilight shore / Of this autumn eve.

Certain common sounds also suggest the sad-beautiful feeling of wabi-sabi. The mournful quarks and caws of seagulls and crows. The forlorn bellowing of foghorns. The wails of ambulance sirens echoing through canyons of big city buildings.

Appreciation of the cosmic order.Wabi-sabi suggests the subtlest realms and all the mechanics and dynamics of existence, way beyond what our ordinary senses can perceive. These primordial forces are evoked in everything wabi-sabi, in much the same way that Hindu mandalas or medieval European cathedrals were constructed to emotionally convey their respective cosmic schemes. The materials out of which things wabi-sabi are made elicit these transcendent feelings. The way rice paper transmits light in a diffuse glow. The manner in which clay cracks as it dries. The color and textural metamorphosis of metal when it tarnishes and rusts. All these represent the physical forces and deep structures that underlie our everyday world.

Wabi-Sabi Moral Precepts

Knowing what we know, how should we act?

Get rid of all that is unnecessary.Wabi-sabi means treading lightly on the planet and knowing how to appreciate whatever is encountered, no matter how trifling, whenever it is encountered. “Material poverty, spiritual richness” are wabi-sabi bywords. In other words, wabi-sabi tells us to stop our preoccupation with success—wealth, status, power and luxury—and enjoy the unencumbered life.

Obviously, leading the simple wabi-sabi life requires some effort and will and also some tough decisions. Wabi-sabi acknowledges that just as it is important to know when to make choices, it is also important to know when not to make choices: to let things be. Even at the most austere level of material existence, we still live in a world of things. Wabi-sabi is exactly about the delicate balance between the pleasure we get from things and the pleasure we get from freedom of things.

Focus on the intrinsic and ignore material hierarchy. The behavior prescribed for the wabi-sabi tea room is a clear expression of wabi-sabi values. First, as a symbolic act of humility, everyone either bends or crawls to enter the tea room through an entrance purposely designed low and small. Once inside, the atmosphere is egalitarian. Hierarchical thinking—“this is higher/better, that is lower/worse”—is not acceptable. The poor student, the wealthy business person and the powerful religious leader—distinctly different social classes on the outside—are equals within.

Similarly, to the sensitive observer, the essential qualities of the objects inside the tea room are either obvious or they are not. Conventional aids to discernment, like the origins and names of the object makers, are of no wabi-sabi consequence. The normal hierarchy of material value related to cost is also pushed aside. Mud, paper and bamboo, in fact, have more intrinsic wabi-sabi qualities/value than do gold, silver and diamonds. In wabi-sabi, there is no “valuable,” since that would imply “not valuable.” An object obtains the state of wabi-sabi only for the moment it is appreciated as such. In the tea room, therefore, things come into existence only when they express their wabi-sabi qualities. Outside the tea room, they return to their ordinary reality, and their wabi-sabi existence fades away.


Adapted from Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers by Leonard Koren, published by Stone Bridge Press. © 1994 by Leonard Koren.

LEONARD KOREN

Leonard Koren is founder of the 1970’s avant-garde publication Wet: The Magazine of Gourmet Bathing, and the author of several books, including Gardens of Gravel and Sand and Undesigning the Bath.

Thursday, July 15, 2021

on patience and the imperfect


"Patience is about setting realistic standards for yourself and your goals. And not drowning in the hopes of achieving the impossible goal of perfectionism." ~ @StevenHandel

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Self-love, kintsugi - More beautiful for having been broken

 A zen master's life is one continuous mistake. ~ Dogen

On forgiveness: The Sun never says to the earth you owe me. Look what happens to a love like this, It lights up the whole world. Poem by Hafiz. ~ Andrea

The Sun never says to the earth you owe me .look what happens to a love like this ,It lights up the whole world ,Poem by Hafiz ,


Gleanings from Carrie Grossman's Insight Talk on Feb 28, 2021: on patterns of self-image

Beauty in the broken parts...a Japanese art form of putting broken pottery back together. 

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-japanese-art-technique-kintsugi-can-help-you-be-more-ncna866471



  • There’s no such thing as perfection. It’s not our strengths that connect us, it’s our vulnerabilities. ~ Angela
  • Yes perfectionism is BORING and disconnecting, maybe because it is hiding the imperfection that is real. The Velveteen Rabbit, lived, shabby and therefore real. ~Wen
  • A failure is a stepping stone on the way to somewhere else. ~ Carrie Grossman...
  • Sign seen in temple in Thailand --- "in a hundred years, all new people!" ~ implication is to let go of shame or whatever is the breeding ground of 'perfectionism'....no need to prove who we are. 
  • Working hard to give myself the same compassion and acceptance I give to others. Not easy but baby steps... ~ Maggie
  • First steps to changing the channel is to acknowledge our suffering (eg. how hard we are on ourselves), then we can find the antidote to this. Our own awareness can be so healing, our own presence to ourselves...shine a light on that. ~ Carrie
  • "Forget your perfect offering!" ~ a koan?  'It is what it is...it's not about perfection'.. maybe the perfection is in the messiness itself. 'The mirage of perfection.'
  • We cannot connect with each other if we are expecting perfection. ~ Carrie
  • A forgiveness practice: a song called '
  • Davidji Heart Salutations
  • "THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION", Brene Brown
  • ~~' Remembrance of what we already are.'
  • Pema Chodron ---'there is no need for self-improvement...identities we so desperately cling to. ...only clouds that block the sun.' ..
  • deep quiet place within us, the light within...is untouched by these identities, these judgments.
  • Upanishads: nothing we do can take away our innate wholeness. 'God don't make no junk'. 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Procrastination

Don't let perfection become procrastination. Do it now.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Perfect Self

Gary Thorp:  We’re terrified that people will find us flawed in some way or that they won’t like us because of our imperfections.  We sometimes lose sight of who we are, yet we are always our perfect selves. We begin perfectly and we’ll end perfectly,regardless of how much worry we about becoming rich, beautiful or achieving buddhahood.’

--from "Sweeping Changes" by Gary Thorp

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Judging and Commitment

Talk delivered on 12/16/2012  LINK