Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 20, 2026

The One You Feed: The Terrible Knowledge

 

Hi Hsi,

This newsletter is a bit different today. The last few months have been filled with a lot of loss in the One You Feed universe.

A good friend of mine lost his son shockingly and unexpectedly in a ski accident. Then my mom's health declined precipitously, and she died two weeks ago. This weekend, my best friend Chris, co-founder and editor of the podcast, had his dog Penny die suddenly.

All of it makes me think of a scene from The Crown. The Queen and the Queen Mother are watching Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis on TV after the assassination, and the Queen Mother says:

“Didn’t you say how unhappy she was in the marriage?”

Elizabeth replies:

“Yes. But that’s the thing about unhappiness. All it takes is for something worse to come along, and you realize it was actually happiness after all.”

Sometimes people will say to me, “Well, it can’t get any worse.” I will semi-jokingly say, “Do not tempt fate. It can always get worse.”

Mark Nepo calls this “the terrible knowledge,” the awareness that we can be erased in a second. And so can anything we love. (If you’re interested in Mark’s work, see below for a special event this evening celebrating the launch of his new book, The Language of the Soul.)*

So what do we do with all this? (In addition to grieving our losses.)

Should we live on guard, bracing ourselves for the inevitable hardships to come? I don’t think that works. It sucks the joy out of life as it is and does not take away the sting of loss.

The Stoics and the Buddhists recommend contemplating the reality of death regularly as a way to prepare and to appreciate the preciousness of life. This is a valuable practice, but sometimes hard to do.

I want to leave us with something that faces toward life, not away from it.

Frank Turner (previous podcast guest, the person whose sharing of my book brought me the most joy, and, according to Spotify, my most-streamed artist of all time) says this at the end of his song Polaroid Picture:

"Let go of the little distractions
Hold close to the ones that you love
'Cause we won’t all be here this time next year
So while you can, take a picture of us”

The thing that I find most valuable there is that there are two clear actions.

The first is to let go of the little distractions. What things are we worrying about, fretting about, or thinking about that matter little in the grand scheme of our lives?

And the second is to hold close to the people we love. Paying a little bit more attention to them, reaching out a little bit more often, making a bit more effort. Pausing to appreciate that they are in our lives.

None of that erases the losses or even prepares us for the next loss, but they do offer a way of living more meaningfully in the happiness that is present.


Try this:

Spend five minutes today setting down whatever “little distractions” have your attention, and instead spend those five minutes connecting with someone you love.

Reflect on this:

What is the current thing in your life that you are unhappy about that you would miss desperately if it were gone?

Until next time,

Eric

*Tonight in New York City: Mark Nepo is celebrating the launch of The Language of the Soul with a live conversation hosted by The New Center for Holistic Learning. You can learn more here: The Language of the Soul Event

Sunday, March 1, 2026

Thich Nhat Hanh on Gratitude - Nov 25, 1999

1999 Talk on Gratitude

Dear community, today is November 25th, 1999. We are here in Lower Hamlet, at Dharma Nectar temple, during the winter retreat. There are 37 days left until the end of the twentieth century, and then we will begin the year 2000—just 37 days more.

Today is also Thanksgiving Day in America. This year, in Upper Hamlet, the brothers did not have any pumpkins, so they could not make pumpkin pie. That is why they made apple pie instead. But it seems that here in Lower Hamlet, we do have pumpkins, so this afternoon, we hope we will have chance to enjoy pumpkin pie together.






























[Thầy writes on the board: Vinaya.] In Catholicism, obedience is absolute—obedience to the Holy See, to the bishops, to the superiors. But in Buddhism, to whom do we offer our obedience? We listen and follow our own mindfulness, our concentration, and our insight. Because mindfulness, concentration, and insight are the very substance of wisdom. It is mindfulness, concentration, and insight that give rise to the precepts and the mindful manners. We do not obey any divine being, nor do we obey any leader. We follow our own insight, and the collective insight of the sangha—the collective mindfulness. The wisdom of the community, the mindfulness of the community. Because the precepts and mindful manners are created by this collective mindfulness. They do not come from one person, even if that person is divine being. Remember, when the Buddha first began to accept disciples, he did not have ready-made set of precepts, saying, “If you want to join, you must follow these rules.” There were no precepts at all. But when the sangha began to grow, difficulties and suffering arose. And it was mindfulness itself that brought about the insight that certain guidelines and precepts were necessary in order to avoid suffering. That is why the precepts are the creation of mindfulness. Precepts are not the creation of God or spiritual leader. Do you see the difference between the two traditions?


As for Buddhist practitioners, those who have chosen the monastic path, they never have the feeling that they are poor. They feel that they are very rich. They do not see themselves as people who are lacking. Because their happiness can be so abundant, they cannot use it all up. And the reason, the reason they have so much happiness is because they live very simple life. Because if they, if they consumed too much, how could they have the time to practice, to truly live? So simple living is one of their three essential principles. And we see that this is not only true for monastics, but also for lay friends. Because any lay friend who knows how to live simply, that person will have more time and more opportunities to live happily. Because there are so many wonders of life—the cool breeze, the clear moon, the singing birds, the whispering pines, the blooming flowers. But if we spend all our days and nights chasing after money, trying to buy more and more, how can we have time to touch these miracles of life? So this is not only something that monastics need to practice, but also something that lay friends need to practice, if they want to live with greater happiness. And simple living is the way out for the world today. The reason people destroy their bodies and minds, the reason people destroy the conditions of the environment and cause the extinction of animals, plants, insects, and even the earth and stones, is because they do not follow the path of simple living. And so, what we call “tri túc”—knowing what is enough, simple living—is the way out, not only for monastics but for the whole world of lay friends as well. And we do not call this poverty. We call it “tri túc” knowing how to live simply, knowing what is enough.