Patricia Koelsch on the Four Abodes, the Four Flavors of Love ..from a talk in February , 2026
"And, um, the… the four…states are, um…
metta, the poly word which gets translated as loving-kindness, but it's benevolence,
Friendliness. Karuna is compassion.
Mudita, appreciation, joy.
And Upeka, which is, um, equanimity.
metta, the poly word which gets translated as loving-kindness, but it's benevolence,
Friendliness. Karuna is compassion.
Mudita, appreciation, joy.
And Upeka, which is, um, equanimity.
And, uh, Martin Allward talks about
Metta is the love that cares,
Karuna, compassion, the love that responds.
Mudita, the love that delights.
and Upeka, the love that allows.
Karuna, compassion, the love that responds.
Mudita, the love that delights.
and Upeka, the love that allows.
So it's very, um…They're… they're beautiful aspects of the way we can care.
Metta, loving-kindness, was initially taught
in the, uh, the Buddhist, uh, scriptures, the stories of
how the Buddha, um…
trained the disciples. The story is that
for the range of feet, which is a 3-month retreat, where…
the monks stayed in one place.
the Buddha assigned
a group of monks to go practice
in a beautiful forest.
And the monks went there.
And, uh, sort of setting up.
And, uh, the story is that the…
Tree spirits were…
really put out by this sort of invasion.
of these other… other beings, and so they really scared the monks. They made a lot of noise.
And, you know, you sort of…
I can imagine if anyone has been
camping, and, you know, especially the first couple of times you're camping. In the middle of the night, you know, you hear all this stuff, and you sort of freak out.
Well, these monks essentially freaked out and came back to the Buddha, and they said, um,
You know, this is not a good place for us to practice. There are these sort of angry tree spirits.
And, um, can you assign us
another place.
And the Buddha said, no.
That's where you're supposed to practice.
But you're supposed… but what you have to do is you have to practice
With the spirit of friendliness, you have to practice
going in there and, um…
being completely…
harmless.
The protection of 'harmlessness'. So it's taught as an antidote to fear.
And someone the other day said that, um,
she's really been sort of watching.
In her metta practice, and she noticed
that when she felt fearful,
And she could bring, especially if there's an individual, if she could bring some…
Some loving-kindness and friendliness to it. The fear sort of dissipated.
So, this idea is that, you know, no one… with Metta
It's the idea that no one should fear
should fear me. You know, that you go in as someone practicing
non-harming. I was, um…
at Moon Palace Bookstore the other day, and I saw that there was a bumper sticker that said,
I refuse to be your enemy.
in the, uh, the Buddhist, uh, scriptures, the stories of
how the Buddha, um…
trained the disciples. The story is that
for the range of feet, which is a 3-month retreat, where…
the monks stayed in one place.
the Buddha assigned
a group of monks to go practice
in a beautiful forest.
And the monks went there.
And, uh, sort of setting up.
And, uh, the story is that the…
Tree spirits were…
really put out by this sort of invasion.
of these other… other beings, and so they really scared the monks. They made a lot of noise.
And, you know, you sort of…
I can imagine if anyone has been
camping, and, you know, especially the first couple of times you're camping. In the middle of the night, you know, you hear all this stuff, and you sort of freak out.
Well, these monks essentially freaked out and came back to the Buddha, and they said, um,
You know, this is not a good place for us to practice. There are these sort of angry tree spirits.
And, um, can you assign us
another place.
And the Buddha said, no.
That's where you're supposed to practice.
But you're supposed… but what you have to do is you have to practice
With the spirit of friendliness, you have to practice
going in there and, um…
being completely…
harmless.
The protection of 'harmlessness'. So it's taught as an antidote to fear.
And someone the other day said that, um,
she's really been sort of watching.
In her metta practice, and she noticed
that when she felt fearful,
And she could bring, especially if there's an individual, if she could bring some…
Some loving-kindness and friendliness to it. The fear sort of dissipated.
So, this idea is that, you know, no one… with Metta
It's the idea that no one should fear
should fear me. You know, that you go in as someone practicing
non-harming. I was, um…
at Moon Palace Bookstore the other day, and I saw that there was a bumper sticker that said,
I refuse to be your enemy.
And, um, I still may pick it up, but I'm not the only one who drives my car, and I don't know if that sentiment is…
shared by the other people who drive my car, so…
Um, but I love that idea. I refuse to be your enemy. We might be adversaries.
We might be opponents.
But not enemies.
And I think that's really the spirit of, um…
of Metta. And the Brahmaviharas, it's not magical thinking. It's not wishing makes it so, but rather it's a wholehearted expression of the way we care.
Um, so, uh, Sharon Sobaldsberg says, you know, when we say something like,
Our caring is, you know, may you be safe and protected in all ways.
Assurances, it's like saying to someone,
Happy birthday. I hope this is a wonderful year for you.
It's not that it magically makes it happen.
But it's an expression of the genuineness.
of our care. Um…
So there are many ways of, um, practicing meta, of expressing our concern. There are…
_________
00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:48.000
And, um, the… the four…
00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:51.000
states are, um…
00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:57.000
metta, the poly word which gets translated as loving-kindness, but it's benevolence,
00:54:57.000 --> 00:55:02.000
Friendliness. Karuna is compassion.
00:55:02.000 --> 00:55:06.000
Mudikha, appreciation, joy.
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:09.000
And Upeka, which is, um, equanimity.
00:55:09.000 --> 00:55:13.000
And, uh, Martin Allward talks about Metta is the love that cares,
00:55:13.000 --> 00:55:17.000
Karuna, compassion, the love that responds.
00:55:17.000 --> 00:55:20.000
Mudita, the love that delights.
00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:23.000
and Upeka, the love that allows.
00:55:23.000 --> 00:55:25.000
So it's very, um…
00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:30.000
They're… they're beautiful aspects of the way we can care.
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:35.000
Metta, loving-kindness, was initially taught
00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:40.000
in the, uh, the Buddhist, uh, scriptures, the stories of
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:43.000
how the Buddha, um…
00:55:43.000 --> 00:55:46.000
trained the disciples. The story is that
00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:50.000
for the range of feet, which is a 3-month retreat, where…
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:52.000
the monks stayed in one place.
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:54.000
the Buddha assigned
00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:57.000
a group of monks to go practice
00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:59.000
in a beautiful forest.
00:55:59.000 --> 00:56:02.000
And the monks went there.
00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:04.000
And, uh, sort of setting up.
00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:07.000
And, uh, the story is that the…
00:56:07.000 --> 00:56:10.000
Tree spirits were…
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:13.000
really put out by this sort of invasion.
00:56:13.000 --> 00:56:20.000
of these other… other beings, and so they really scared the monks. They made a lot of noise.
00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:22.000
And, you know, you sort of…
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:24.000
I can imagine if anyone has been
00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:32.000
camping, and, you know, especially the first couple of times you're camping. In the middle of the night, you know, you hear all this stuff, and you sort of freak out.
00:56:32.000 --> 00:56:37.000
Well, these monks essentially freaked out and came back to the Buddha, and they said, um,
00:56:37.000 --> 00:56:41.000
You know, this is not a good place for us to practice. There are these sort of angry tree spirits.
00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:44.000
And, um, can you assign us
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:46.000
another place.
00:56:46.000 --> 00:56:48.000
And the Buddha said, no.
00:56:48.000 --> 00:56:50.000
That's where you're supposed to practice.
00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:55.000
But you're supposed… but what you have to do is you have to practice
00:56:55.000 --> 00:56:58.000
With the spirit of friendliness, you have to practice
00:56:58.000 --> 00:57:01.000
going in there and, um…
00:57:01.000 --> 00:57:04.000
being completely…
00:57:04.000 --> 00:57:06.000
harmless.
00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:12.000
The protection of harmlessness. So it's taught as an antidote to fear.
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:16.000
And someone the other day said that, um,
00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:18.000
she's really been sort of watching.
00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:21.000
In her meta practice, and she noticed
00:57:21.000 --> 00:57:23.000
that when she felt fearful,
00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:28.000
And she could bring, especially if there's an individual, if she could bring some…
00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:32.000
Some loving-kindness and friendliness to it. The fear sort of dissipated.
00:57:32.000 --> 00:57:37.000
So, this idea is that, you know, no one… with Meta
00:57:37.000 --> 00:57:41.000
It's the idea that no one should fear
00:57:41.000 --> 00:57:46.000
should fear me. You know, that you go in as someone practicing
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:50.000
non-harming. I was, um…
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:56.000
at Moon Palace Bookstore the other day, and I saw that there was a bumper sticker that said,
00:57:56.000 --> 00:58:00.000
I refuse to be your enemy.
00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:07.000
And, um, I still may pick it up, but I'm not the only one who drives my car, and I don't know if that sentiment is…
00:58:07.000 --> 00:58:11.000
shared by the other people who drive my car, so…
00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:17.000
Um, but I love that idea. I refuse to be your enemy. We might be adversaries.
00:58:17.000 --> 00:58:19.000
We might be opponents.
00:58:19.000 --> 00:58:22.000
But not enemies.
00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:25.000
And I think that's really the spirit of, um…
00:58:25.000 --> 00:58:36.000
of Meta. And the Brahmavihars, it's not magical thinking. It's not wishing makes it so, but rather it's a wholehearted
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:39.000
expression of the way we care.
00:58:39.000 --> 00:58:45.000
Um, so, uh, Sharon Sobaldsberg says, you know, when we say something like,
00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:51.000
Our caring is, you know, may you be safe and protected in all ways.
00:58:51.000 --> 00:58:54.000
Assurances, it's like saying to someone,
00:58:54.000 --> 00:58:59.000
Happy birthday. I hope this is a wonderful year for you.
00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:01.000
It's not that it magically makes it happen.
00:59:01.000 --> 00:59:05.000
But it's an expression of the genuineness.
00:59:05.000 --> 00:59:07.000
of our care. Um…
00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:10.000
So there are many ways of, um,
00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:12.000
practicing meta.
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:16.000
of expressing our concern. There are…
