Listening Deeply, Spaciousness, and
Not Being Full of One's Own Agenda
Thursday Evening Online Program
May 14, 2026, 7:00 to 8:45 pm Eastern time
Not Being Full of One's Own Agenda
Thursday Evening Online Program
May 14, 2026, 7:00 to 8:45 pm Eastern time
Dear Still Water Friends,
This Thursday evening after our meditation we will recite together the Five Mindfulness Trainings and center our attention on the Fourth Training, Loving Speech and Deep Listening:
Towards the end of our guided meditation last Thursday evening, I encouraged practitioners to bring to mind people in their life who have helped them by being willing to simply listen. My own list includes a fourth-grade teacher, a retired Congregational minister I met in college, my wife Ann-Mari who has been willing to listen to me for more than forty-five years, and several Plum Village monastics with whom I have had long-term friendships.
What did these people have in common, I wondered. A few days later, an excerpt from Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise by Thích Nhất Hạnh (Thầy) pointed me towards the linked qualities of spaciousness and not being full of our own agenda.
When I first read this excerpt, I immediately thought of the mindfulness practices I learned from Thầy, especially sitting and walking meditation and mindfulness in daily life. They have helped me and many others to settle our minds and open our hearts. But there are many other ways to settle and open, too, such as gardening, hiking, being in nature, art, tai chi, knitting, running, cooking, or dance—all by themselves or alongside a meditation practice.
As I was writing this announcement I learned that Joan, my favorite cousin, had peacefully passed away, surrounded by her sons and grandchildren. Because we had talked about it, I know she had no interest in meditation or mindfulness. However, she was an extraordinary cook and hostess, and also an architect, mother, and community activist. And she was someone I could talk to—easily, freely, and for hours. Our mothers were sisters. In our conversations we often pooled our knowledge and tried to understand better the forces that shaped our grandparents, our parents, and us.
Much of what I have been trying to say is condensed into a sentence from The Celtic Twilight by W. B. Yeats, published in 1902:
You are invited to be with us.
Two related paragraphs from Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise are below, after the Still Water announcements.
Many blessings,
Mitchell Ratner
Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.
Towards the end of our guided meditation last Thursday evening, I encouraged practitioners to bring to mind people in their life who have helped them by being willing to simply listen. My own list includes a fourth-grade teacher, a retired Congregational minister I met in college, my wife Ann-Mari who has been willing to listen to me for more than forty-five years, and several Plum Village monastics with whom I have had long-term friendships.
What did these people have in common, I wondered. A few days later, an excerpt from Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise by Thích Nhất Hạnh (Thầy) pointed me towards the linked qualities of spaciousness and not being full of our own agenda.
We need to cultivate a spiritual dimension of our life if we want to be light, free, and truly at ease. We need to practice in order to restore this kind of spaciousness. Only when we have been able to open space within ourselves, can we really help others. If I am out for a walk or on a public bus—anywhere, really—it is very easy to notice if someone has a feeling of spaciousness. Perhaps you’ve met people like this—you don’t even know them well, but you feel comfortable with them because they are easy and relaxed. They are not already full of their own agenda.
If you open the space within yourself, you will find that people, even someone who perhaps has been avoiding you (your teenage daughter, your partner with whom you were in a fight, your parent) will want to come and be near you. You don’t have to do anything, or try to teach them anything, or even say anything. If you are practicing on your own, creating space and quiet within you, others will be drawn to your spaciousness. People around will feel comfortable just being around you because of the quality of your presence.
This is the virtue of nonaction. We stop our thinking, bring our mind back to our body, and become truly present. Nonaction is very important. It is not the same thing as passivity or inertia; it’s a dynamic and creative state of openness. We just need to sit there, very awake, very light; and when others come sit with us, they feel at ease right away. Even though we haven’t “done” anything to help, the other person receives a lot from us.
When I first read this excerpt, I immediately thought of the mindfulness practices I learned from Thầy, especially sitting and walking meditation and mindfulness in daily life. They have helped me and many others to settle our minds and open our hearts. But there are many other ways to settle and open, too, such as gardening, hiking, being in nature, art, tai chi, knitting, running, cooking, or dance—all by themselves or alongside a meditation practice.
As I was writing this announcement I learned that Joan, my favorite cousin, had peacefully passed away, surrounded by her sons and grandchildren. Because we had talked about it, I know she had no interest in meditation or mindfulness. However, she was an extraordinary cook and hostess, and also an architect, mother, and community activist. And she was someone I could talk to—easily, freely, and for hours. Our mothers were sisters. In our conversations we often pooled our knowledge and tried to understand better the forces that shaped our grandparents, our parents, and us.
Much of what I have been trying to say is condensed into a sentence from The Celtic Twilight by W. B. Yeats, published in 1902:
We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us, that they may see, it may be, their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.This Thursday we can begin our Dharma sharing on the Fourth Mindfulness Training by talking about the people we find especially comfortable to be with because they “are easy and relaxed” and “not already full of their own agenda.” And we can also reflect on the practices that are helping us become, bit by bit, more like that.
You are invited to be with us.
Two related paragraphs from Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise are below, after the Still Water announcements.
Many blessings,
Mitchell Ratner
——————
From Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise by Thích Nhất Hạnh
Having the space to listen with compassion is essential to being a true friend, a true colleague, a true parent, a true partner. A person doesn’t need to be a mental health professional to listen well. In fact, many therapists aren’t able to do it, because they are so full of suffering. They study psychology for many years and know a great deal about techniques, but in their heart they have suffering that they haven’t been able to heal and transform, or they haven’t been able to offer themselves enough joy and play to balance out all the pain they take in from clients, so they don’t have the space to help very effectively. People pay these therapists a lot of money and go back to see them week after week hoping for healing; but counselors can’t help if they haven’t been able to listen to themselves with compassion. Therapists and counselors are human beings who suffer like everyone else. Their ability to listen to others is dependent first on their ability to listen compassionately to themselves.
If we want to help others, we need to have peace inside. This peace we can create with each step, each breath, and then we can help; otherwise, we are just wasting others’ time—and taking their money if we’re professionals. What all of us need first is ease, lightness, and peace in our own body and spirit. Only then can we truly listen to others.
Having the space to listen with compassion is essential to being a true friend, a true colleague, a true parent, a true partner. A person doesn’t need to be a mental health professional to listen well. In fact, many therapists aren’t able to do it, because they are so full of suffering. They study psychology for many years and know a great deal about techniques, but in their heart they have suffering that they haven’t been able to heal and transform, or they haven’t been able to offer themselves enough joy and play to balance out all the pain they take in from clients, so they don’t have the space to help very effectively. People pay these therapists a lot of money and go back to see them week after week hoping for healing; but counselors can’t help if they haven’t been able to listen to themselves with compassion. Therapists and counselors are human beings who suffer like everyone else. Their ability to listen to others is dependent first on their ability to listen compassionately to themselves.
If we want to help others, we need to have peace inside. This peace we can create with each step, each breath, and then we can help; otherwise, we are just wasting others’ time—and taking their money if we’re professionals. What all of us need first is ease, lightness, and peace in our own body and spirit. Only then can we truly listen to others.
