Hi Hsi,
Sometimes I notice something in myself that I don't love: I'm quick to assume the worst in people. I give humanity the benefit of the doubt, but not always individuals.
Not in big, dramatic ways. More in small, reflexive moments. A driver cuts me off, and I decide they're selfish. Someone snaps at their kid in public, and I label them a bad parent.
Most of the time, I don't even realize I'm doing it. It just feels like the way things are. But those small judgments quietly shape how I see the world and how I move through it.
When I spoke with psychologist Dr. Jamil Zaki, he described it this way: our beliefs about people are like contact lenses; once we put them on, everything is filtered through them. That idea comes up a lot in my upcoming book: We don't see the world as it is; we see it as we are.
If I expect people to disappoint me, I show up guarded. If I expect them to be kind or capable, I soften. And more often than not, people meet me there.
Try One of These This Week:
- The Perspective Question: When you catch yourself assuming the worst, pause and ask: "What am I making this mean?" and "What else could it mean?" That small gap of curiosity is often enough to loosen the story you're telling.
- Curate Your Input What you take in shapes what you expect from others. This week, find one story, podcast, or article that restores your faith in people. They're out there—quietly reminding us who we can be to one another.
Reflect on This:
- Where have I started quietly expecting the worst?
- What shifts when I choose to offer trust instead of assuming disappointment?
"Every time we choose trust, we invite people to become more trustworthy. Every time we withhold it, we teach them to confirm our fears." - Jamil Zaki
Want to Go Deeper?
Listen to my full conversation with How to Overcome Cynicism and Embrace Hope with Jamil Zaki,
YouTube | Spotify | Apple Podcasts
You can also download Jamil's Practical Guide to Hopeful Skepticism, a helpful resource for training your attention toward the good in people and away from quiet cynicism.
Until next time,
Eric
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