Date: Aug 9, 2012 11:52 PM
Subject: Re: Seeking technical advice
My principal advice is to relax. Don't be concerned about your point of focus. Don't be concerned about distractions. This is par for the course. The important thing is that you are aware of what's going on. That's all we need to do. Just be aware. Don't try to change anything or make judgments about what's happening. Whatever happens is ok. Just be as aware as you are able.
The general instruction is to have eyes half open (not blurry or cross-eyed) and not focus on anything in particular. But, of course, the moment we attempt to be good little meditators and do it "right", the opposite will happen.
So, just sit. Just remain aware. Just come back to the breath when you're distracted. You can even count breaths (in 1, out 2 and so on up to ten and then start over) until you settle down and then go back to just noticing the breath.
Don't take yourself and the practice too seriously. Thich Nhat Hanh suggests relaxing the face into a little half smile. I find that helpful especially when I get too serious about what I'm doing.
As to sesshin, I think you'll know when you feel ready to dive in. I remember when I was agonizing over whether or not to switch from TM practice to Zen practice. I was really suffering over that decision. When I presented my dilemma to Katagiri, he simply told me "Wait til a ripening time." I felt relieved and took his advice. It must have been several years later that I just knew I wanted to switch and did so without any angst or second guessing. It was truly the "ripening time."
About daily practice, the important thing is not how long you sit every day, but if you do it on a regular basis. Even if you just sit 5, 10 minutes but do it regularly, that's good. Even you decide you can do it every other day, but do it on a regular basis, that's good. It's best to make it a habit, like brushing your teeth.
..........
First, I often wonder about the point of focus for my vision when I meditate. This confusion is especially common when I begin a sitting; after a little if and when I am able to really begin sitting and breathing calmly, my confusion about 'point of focus' seems to resolve itself....the exact point of focus becomes less concerning.
Here is my description about the confusion and discomfort: When I sit and my vision's point of focus is crisply on the wall in front of me three feet away, or during sangha when the point of focus is crisply on the floor about 5 to 8 feet in front of me, I tend to be distracted. Then when I try to resolve this by focusing on the tip of my nose, I also feel a kind of straining that is distracting. Finally when I compromise and assume an indeterminant point of focus that is between the wall/floor and the tip of my nose, I feel comfortable. I think I may have reached a good enough compromise....it's a kind of cross-eyed blur... Is the 'blurry focus' okay? Eyes open, but not exactly focused on anything? As I said after a while, the worry seems to go away....which is good.
What do you think? I suppose that all of this struggle and worry is normal. Mind and ego playing games with me, ego trying to assert itself in the goal of 'gaining'?
Second, I am interested in registering for a fall sesshin at Dharmafield, but I am concerned that there is a mismatch right now between the desire to go deeper and longer in meditation, and the struggle I have right now of even being consistent on a daily basis for 30 minutes of practice. I think that I would be frustrated if I signed up for a 'marathon' meditation experience of two and 1/2 days all the while I still struggle to commit to a daily meditation practice.
Maybe the struggle to take the time is part of the meditation experience. I should just expect it as part of the practice. Hey, maybe that is insight right there! Anticipate the struggle! I do anticipate an even greater struggle when school teaching resumes in a few weeks.
