On compassionate curiosity

Live Session Summary, Sunday, October 13, 2024: It was good to be with you today for our Live session. The focus of the session was ‘Cultivating compassionate curiosity as a way of being in the world.’ 

Here are some of the main themes, poems, and quotes from today’s Live session:

I began by talking about attitudes and their role in our happiness, well-being, and freedom and shared the reflection that when you change your attitude, you change your experience and your world. 

I gave the example of how different it is to practice meditation with, on one hand, an attitude of accepting with kindness our changing bodily sensations, emotions, mind states and thoughts, and on the other, meeting these different experiences with clinging, resistance, or judgment. 

Our experience in each case is (in my experience) fundamentally different—the first, when practiced wholeheartedly, tends to lead to greater ease, well-being, and freedom, and the latter, to feelings of contraction, unpleasantness, or suffering. As the Buddha said, ‘see for yourself.’ Test it in your own experience.

To exemplify the importance of our attitudes, I shared the story of two different people asking a wise person what their town was like to live in. Different versions of this story can be found by googling ‘moving to a new city (a parable)’.

Choosing how we meet our experience is key to our happiness and freedom. It’s what Viktor Frankl called ‘the last of the human freedoms’: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” (Frankl, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning.’)

One of the important things we can say about attitudes is that they can be cultivated. One person might appear to be more kind, generous, compassionate, accepting, etc., than another. But all of us can cultivate these and other wholesome qualities and bring them into our life.

We can think of ourselves as all having seeds of anger, cruelty, greed, etc., within us, and also having seeds of generosity, gratitude, peace, loving-kindness, and other skillful qualities. As humans, we all have the capacity to do great good in the world—and also to do great harm. What we become in our lives and how we live in the world depends greatly on whether we train our mind and which seeds we nurture.

There are many wholesome qualities that we can cultivate. Jon Kabat-Zinn, who developed the training in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and wrote ‘Full-Catastrophe Living,’ highlighted seven key attitudes of mindfulness; 1) Non-judging; 2) Patience; 3) Beginner’s mind; 4) Trust; 5) Non-striving; 6) Acceptance; and 7) Letting go. (Kabat-Zinn, ‘Full-Catastrophe Living’)

In my first book on mindfulness and habit change, ‘The Here-and-Now Habit,’ I stressed three key qualities or attitudes that help us find greater freedom in our lives: 1) Kindness; 2) Acceptance; and 3) Curiosity. We can bring these qualities actively into our meditation and our lives by cultivating compassionate curiosity as an attitude and a way of being in the world.

When we meet our experience with curiosity, we are opening ourselves to life as it is. We are not in a conflict with life. We can, of course, respond to whatever is coming up and when we do so with kindness and wisdom we are in alignment with life. When we respond with blame, judgment, resistance, or clinging, we suffer. 

I shared a quote from the spiritual teacher Adyashanti: Arguing with reality—"thinking, for example, that ‘so and so shouldn’t have said that to me’ but the reality is that they did… is a sure way to suffer, a perfect prescription for suffering… Arguing with reality imprisons us… it ties us to whatever it is that we are arguing with...” (Adyashanti, ‘The End of Your World’, p143-144)

Meeting our experience with curiosity can lead to liberating insights into the truth of impermanence and change; and help us see that nothing can be clung to as ‘I’ or ‘mine’—and if we cling, we suffer. Curiosity opens us to life and to infinite possibilities. As the renowned Zen teacher Suzuki Roshi said, ‘In the beginner’s mind [a mind embodying curiosity and openness] there are many possibilities; in the expert’s there are few.’ (Suzuki, ‘Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind’)

Meeting our experience with compassion allows us to bring kindness and the wish to alleviate suffering to ourselves, to others, and to all beings and experiences. With an attitude of compassion, we see the suffering that is everywhere and don’t put anyone out of our hearts. 

Compassion connects us to all beings and all of life. Joining compassion with curiosity brings together the ‘two wings of the bird’—the wing of insight/understanding (curiosity) and the wing of compassion—that we need in our practice and in our lives. How would it be to consciously invite an attitude of compassionate curiosity to all that arises in meditation and in daily life? Does it make a difference when you bring this quality of openness and receptivity supported by kindness and care to your experiences? 

Poems I shared include ‘The Way It Is’ by Lynn Ungar; ‘There was a time I would reject those…’ by Muhyiddin Ibn ‘Al Arabi; and quotes from ‘The Guest House’ by Rumi; and ‘Peace is this moment without judgment’ by Dorothy Hunt.

It was good to be with you all today. I wish you a peaceful week ahead and look forward to seeing you next Sunday, October 20 at 9am eastern for our next live session. Warmly, Hugh 🙏🏻 💜 🌻

Thich Nhat Hanh - ‘Belly breathing to ride the storm' from Thich Nhat Hanh's 'The Art of Living'

⽊  🎋  ⽊  🎋  ⽊

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Internet Archive

'The Art of Living' by Thich Nhat Hanh

"It is possible to use our breathing to embrace our strong emotions and experience relief. We are so vast, and our emotions are just one part of us; we are much more than our emotions. A strong emotion is like a storm that comes, stays a while, and passes. Everyone must learn to survive a storm. The practice of belly breathing is essential. Every time a strong emotion like anger, fear, sadness, or despair comes up, we should go back to our breathing right away so we can take care of the storm raging within us. We are like a tree in a storm. The top branches of the tree may be blowing wildly in the wind, but the trunk and roots are stable and firm. With belly breathing we bring our mind down to our trunk, our abdomen, where it is calm and stable. We should not stay high up in the branches, where we are blown about.

Internet Archive.org

'No Mud, No Lotus' - Page 50

When you look at a tree in a storm, if you focus your attention on the top of the tree, you’ll see the leaves and branches blowing wildly in the wind, and the tree will look so vulnerable, as though it could be broken at any time. But when you direct your attention down to the trunk of the tree, there is not so much movement. You see the stability of the tree, and you see that the tree is deeply rooted in the soil and can with stand the storm. When we experience a strong emotion, the mind is agitated like the top of the tree. We have to bring our mind down to the trunk, to the abdomen, and focus all our attention on the rise and fall of the abdomen.

from query to ChatGPT: on Oct 4

Thich Nhat Hanh frequently offers metaphors to illustrate how the breath can serve as a refuge in the midst of overwhelming emotions. One of the most well-known instances of this metaphor is found in his book Peace Is Every Step, where he describes the breath as an anchor that helps us remain grounded, especially when we feel emotionally swept away. He also discusses similar ideas in The Art of Living and No Mud, No Lotus. In these works, Hanh emphasizes the importance of mindful breathing to stay connected to the present moment and to cultivate inner calm.

The metaphor you mention, comparing emotions to the violent swaying of branches while the trunk remains steady, reflects Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching that mindful breathing helps us return to our core stability, much like the rooted trunk of a tree. The storm of emotions is natural and inevitable, but the breath is our refuge, allowing us to ride through turbulent experiences without being overwhelmed by them.

Bringing in Guanyin, the bodhisattva of compassion, offers a deepened perspective on this metaphor. Guanyin embodies both compassion and the power of deep listening. Her practice involves truly hearing and responding to the cries of the world. If we apply Guanyin's insight to Thich Nhat Hanh's metaphor, we can view our breath as not only a source of grounding but also an expression of self-compassion. By returning to our breath, we are, in essence, practicing deep listening to ourselves—tuning into our emotions without judgment or resistance. Just as Guanyin listens with boundless compassion, we too can listen to our inner storm with kindness, allowing the breath to calm and soothe, much like her presence would comfort those in distress.

This insight encourages a dual process: using the breath to stay rooted, and applying the spirit of compassionate listening to our inner emotional life, just as Guanyin would listen to the suffering of others. It is both a practical and compassionate approach to working with strong emotions.

Like a mountain: 山 

Marcus Aurelius on acceptance

Marcus Aurelius (from Meditations)

"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart."

As a Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius speaks about accepting the flow of life. By mindfully accepting circumstances and people as they are, rather than trying to control them, we reduce unnecessary suffering.

Matthieu Richard

"So je reste en bonne santé, j'utiliserai mes forces pour m'adonner à la pratique spirituelle. 

Si je tombe malade, j'utiliserai mes maux pour augmenter ma compassion envers ceux qui souffrent. 

Si je vis longtemps, j'utiliserai chaque instant pour accomplir le bienfait d'autrui et le mien.

Si ma vie touche à sa fin, je vivrai au mieux le moment de la mort pour obtenir une renaissance favorable à la quête de l'Eveil."

Prière de Gyalsé Ngulchou Thogmé

Two kinds of suffering -

At tonight's sangha meeting I participated in a confusing discussion, an almost adversarial discussion between CCCC and me, with CCCC stating that they feel tonight's discussion around self-reflective attitudes on suffering doesn't really help them.” ... that “They are far more interested in how this practice can help the suffering outside in the world…out there as it were”  ...that "they don't worry too much about how they practice mindfulness...eg, the minutiae of noticing their 'expecting mind'...(as I suggested is an important practice for moving me forward throughout the day); they said they dont need this angle on meditation support to notice their desiring mind...their mind of expectation...(I think they misunderstood the point about the nature of suffering, the benefit of non-judgmentally noticing The Desiring mind or noticing of the gaining idea) they said they are much more interested in alleviating the suffering of the world. And here's what's interesting about that to me: What is helpful about noticing the gaining idea? How subtle is it? How pervasive? I'm going to need to further articulate how to appreciate and explore the concept of the two kinds of suffering.

To wit: There are two kinds of suffering And the first kind of suffering that we all experience is The suffering that leads to more suffering for me and for you. --> If it's suffering for me there may be direct suffering for you of course, and in the case of your suffering and how it may impact me, your reaction to your suffering can create suffering for me. Looking at suffering in me, initiating in me, for a variety of reasons for example - If my suffering is an anger, a suffering of anger or blame or loathing, you could potentially suffer for that if I pursue blaming and loathing as my conditioned response. 

And then there's the other kind of suffering that we are susceptible to and because of our human nature -  we can choose to experience and process suffering in such a way that this suffering leads to the end of suffering... This kind of suffering is an intentionally chosen suffering in that i choose not to medicate, distract, or submit to externalizing the experience...but rather use it as a noble messenger, to observe it. Another way of putting it is that I can attempt to be 'empathic towards my future self'... make that fateful decision to cutoff the grasping for relief from this moment's discomfort in favor of relishing the natural change of all phenomena, including and especially my experience of pain and dukkha in this moment. This is unconditioned, and radical - also called ‘radical acceptance’....A very-hard-to-do kind of suffering but some practitioners say it's critical for my transformation, for the transformation of the suffering (the idea of ‘no mud, no lotus)... that is to say … an acceptance of the pain, to accept the pain... "this is how it is for the moment -- it will pass -- it is impermanent...To accept the mental confusion, to stay with the afflictive emotions (see Pema Chodron): the sadness, the fear… the afflictive cravings, said differently: those desires that when grasped only lead to suffering… that do not deserve to be grasped, the temptations --- And it is that second kind of suffering that leads to the end of suffering for me and for you..this is the suffering that serves our deepest aspiration; we become cognizant of the directions and choices we need to choose to feed the ‘good wolf’...  for example...we listen to the negative self-talk, we notice if for what it is...thoughts and ruminations... and anxieties.. these are essentially food for the bad wolf (the two wolves parable) and we push back by bringing up..well, perhaps curiosity about how these are triggered...but not for even a moment carried away by them. lol, okay...well maybe only for a few moments...

Happy with more?

 Ten Ways to be at home with yourself

Turtle Mind | dhammatalks.org

Turtle Mind | dhammatalks.org

On equanimity and on craving, on the gaining idea, the striving mind