Live Session Summary, Sunday, July 21, 2024: It was good to be with you for our Live session today. The theme of the talk was “Cultivating Equanimity and Peace in Difficult Times.'
Here are some of the main themes, quotes, and poems:
I began by sharing how it’s often said that we teach what we most need to learn. And this talk was as much for me as it was for everyone listening. As with probably the vast majority of you, I’m deeply concerned about the state of the United States and the world… about how the November elections look likely to pan out—and the implications for the country and the world.
What I know to be true is that the way we meet our experience—how we meet the challenges that come up for us, as well as our own fears and worries when we hear the news, information on polling, etc.—makes all the difference in the world. It makes the difference between suffering, on one hand, and happiness and freedom, on the other: And the more we meet our experience wisely, the more we bring into the world the kinds of energy that will support peace and connectedness, rather than division and conflict.
I shared a story about teaching a retreat about 15 years ago with Tara Brach and other teachers: A student sent Tara a note asking whether there could be more teachings on suffering and ending suffering. I recall Tara’s response, which was, “Every talk I give is about suffering and the end of suffering.” This has stuck with me over the years: Every genuine dharma talk needs to address—directly or indirectly, or both—how and why we suffer and how we can end suffering in our life. This talk is about suffering and the end of suffering—about how we can suffer dramatically less and live with far greater freedom, a freedom that doesn’t depend fundamentally on ‘what happens or doesn’t happen.’
For almost any sentient, caring person, the time we are living in gives us ample reason for concern and worry—the progressive changes that have been happening in the past decade and more, along with the economic impact of deindustrialization on significant segments of the population are leading to a backlash—a swinging of the pendulum in the direction of policies that look less favorable to ‘the arc of history bending towards justice…’
In the light of these fears and anxieties—and the countervailing fears and worries that arise in us, particularly when fear is manipulated for political and economic gain by demagogues and opportunists (using those terms in a descriptive rather than a judgmental way), can become the backdrop of our life and days: We want to take in more information to know what we might do, but more information seems to just trigger more worries… and we hang around with people who tend to share our fears and worries and we become more triggered by talking with those who share our fears…
The good news is that all this suffering is optional. We can choose how we meet and deal with all the information that is coming into us. We can meet our experience with wisdom and discernment, rather than with fear and worry. The Buddha said: “What you frequently think about and ponder on becomes the inclination of your mind…” If you think about all the ‘bad’ things that might happen, fear and worry will become the quality of your mind. If you meet worried thoughts with kindness, acceptance, and non-identification, equanimity and peace will become the inclination of your mind. We can always choose our response. Eckhart Tolle said: “You can always cope with the present moment. You can’t deal with something that is purely a mind creation. You can’t deal with the future…” (Tolle, The Power of Now) And Viktor Frankl said: “They could take everything from us but the last of the human freedoms, to choose our response in any given set of circumstances, to choose our own way…” (Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning)
The first thing we need to do is to be aware of our thoughts and the story we are telling ourselves… and the price—in suffering—that we pay for investing in that story. We need to be aware of the price we pay if we are to be willing to open to the experiences that we are trying to escape from: In this regard, in a quote attributed to the writer Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
There’s almost always a story we are telling ourselves that contributes to our suffering:
• Sometimes it’s a complaining story—"This person/situation/experience shouldn’t be like this, shouldn’t be happening, should be different…”
• Sometimes it’s a worrying, fear-based story—"These bad things will happen if I don’t keep trying to find a solution… the weight of the world is on my shoulders…”
• Sometimes it’s a ruminating story—"I shouldn’t have done that, I’m such a bad person, nothing will be the same again, I’m terrible…”
• Sometimes it’s a wanting story—“I won’t be ok unless I have that thing/person/experience…”
• Sometimes it’s a judging/blaming story (about oneself or others)—"I’m such a flawed person, I can’t seem to get anything right’ or “They’re such a bad person, if only they were out of the picture, things would be better…”
• Sometimes it’s an escaping (boredom) story—"This is boring, uninteresting, I should just watch TV, check the Internet, play a video game…” And a hundred more stories…
I believe if we learned how to see our stories clearly and to let go of identification with them, about 90 percent of our suffering would be gone. We can do this—it just takes training, practice: The Buddha, again: “Nothing can do you more harm than an untrained mind—not even your worst enemy… Nothing can do you more good than a trained mind, not even your mother or father or dearest friend…” Try this for a week or a month: Whenever you see a story arising in your mind and you begin to identify with it, choose to let it go and not identify with it…
In any situation, with any story, there are always at least two kinds of response: 1) to be with the experience without the story—A helpful question is: What would I have to experience if I were to not invest in this story? And to stay…(Pema Chodron: “Learn to stay… with the discomfort… with the shenpa…” from Taking the Leap, p21) This is the fundamental practice—to identify the story and the price we pay for investing in it—and to let go of identification with it; and 2) bring in an antidote: for complaining = cultivate gratitude—replace ‘what’s wrong’ with ‘what’s right’; for judging/blaming = cultivate compassion/self-compassion; for worrying = cultivate gratitude/acceptance for this moment… Also, a tip from the ‘recovery’ movement: Hang out with wise, discerning friends, rather than those who will keep you hooked in your stories…
Some other tips: ACT!—Action Absorbs Anxiety… check it out… and be discerning about the amount and quality of the information you are taking in…
The wonderful thing about Dharma practice is that it is a virtuous cycle: The more you let go of identification with the stories—the complaining, worrying, clinging, etc. stories—the more you can embody peace, compassion and equanimity and bring those qualities into engagement with those with whom you agree and with those with whom you disagree… Kindness, compassion, peace have a beneficial effect in the field, so that we are not just serving our own well-being but also helping create a field of kindness and interconnection…
I finished by sharing the story about Maha Ghosananda, known as the Patriarch of Cambodia, who, speaking in support of the international campaign to ban land mines from the earth, said: “If we are to eradicate land mines from the earth, we must eradicate the land mines from our own hearts.” This is what the dharma promises. The Buddha said, “Don’t believe something because I’ve said it or because it makes sense or feels good…. See for yourself (Ehipassiko, in Pali). Does this lead to well-being or to suffering? If it leads to suffering, abandon the teaching. But if it leads to well-being, to freedom, then follow these teachings. See for yourself!”
The timing was serendipitous today. After I gave two talks on this theme, the world changed. Impermanence! Have a great week and see you on August 11! Warmly, Hugh 🙏🏻 💜 🌻
